Holy crap. I did it. There will be naysayers, people who might look at me weird. And I have no regrets. Maybe it was the Japanese onsens or living on a sub-tropical island where being on the beach is the norm. Maybe it's the body love articles beginning to inundate the media. Very likely, it's the fact that I finally have a husband who loves every curve, scar and stretch mark I have. I've earned my tiger stripes with two beautiful boys and multiple surgery scars.
Finally, after 20 years of not loving my body and having people tell me to cover it up or change it somehow, I'm throwing caution to the wind and not giving a damn any more. I've bought a bikini top and plan to wear it this year! I feel good in it, sexy even. Actually, I bought two! Well, to be honest, they were actually sports bras that look very much like bathing suit tops. I mean, really, the selection at the BX is limited for a busty woman like myself and I don't have time to find something decent.
Either the "girls" will be hanging half out of the bra, the material is super ugly, or added ruffles will make them seem bigger than they are. So cute, supportive sports bras will have to work.
|(NOT the one I bought, luckily)|
I've had many health problems the last couple of years and we're very close to figuring out what's going on. Running a few more tests Friday when we're back in the states. Studying these issues led to a severe change in diet and finding some crazy food sensitivities and thus a drastic weight loss. Despite still being 20 pounds heavier than I was before my first son was born, I feel stronger and sexier than ever. For the first time since I was about 11, I'm going to wear a bikini. (Gawd, did I really say that?!)
I think my body issues first started when I was 13 at sleepaway camp in California. A very athletic girl a year older than me told me my thighs needed to be thinner. Of course they didn't and still don't. I have muscular legs and have never had, never will have a thigh gap. From then on, I wore a one piece suit and usually some shorts over them. Why I let that girl dominate my thoughts about myself, I'll never know.
A former boyfriend once told me my butt was too big and lumpy. The joke is on him as it's my best feature!
"You've gained to much weight for me to find you attractive any more."
"You just don't have the ballerina physique I admire."
"Can't you just do some more situps/leg curls/pushups etc?"
"Please don't wear something so revealing. You need to cover up those breasts."
"Maybe you should wear bottoms with a little skirt to cover your legs/tankini to cover your stomach."
Unfortunately, those mean comments stuck with me too. Why do we hurt each other? I may be heavier but I'm not honestly that out of shape. Hell, I look pretty damn good for 41 and two kids! So I'm not going to give two flying f***s what anyone says of my new confidence. Long live the bikini!