The Caged Bird Sings Happy Birthday

Today is my birthday. I'm not bashful in saying I'm two years shy of 40 and I look fabulous! This morning, the Major and the boys got up early, went to buy donuts for me and surprised me with breakfast in bed. Noms topped with birthday candles! We sat on the bed and ate the sugary deliciousness until it was time for school. The youngest had crawled into bed with me to snuggle for a few minutes alone first, telling me "Now you're 21!" He's been especially snuggly recently, what with all the craziness going on. I'll take what I can get as he'll soon be too big to want to be a snuggle bunny. :(

Tonight, we're celebrating and saying goodbye to good friends Sophia and Matt who are moving to San Fran. I still hope there's cake. Tomorrow, I get the BEST present I could possibly want though. I get to marry the man it seems I've waited forever for. Like everyone else led up to him. The rush up to the wedding and the worry about everything complicated about the move to Japan have had me on the verge of tears and hysteria for the last week. Then I get the bad news late last night that the tailor who made my dress, who had PROMISED it would be here either yesterday or today, didn't send it until last night. Le sigh Sent me into a crying mess of ick. Not quite Bridezilla, thankfully.

The birdcage headpiece I made for tomorrow.

Sure, I know it's just trappings and frills. But this was my Dream dress. When I got married the first time, I was young, impetuous and living in a fantasy world. My mom, who got married far too early (thanks to me), didn't get to have a large wedding so I agreed to just about everything she suggested for our wedding, only insisting on the colors I wanted. And it was gorgeous! Truly a beautiful ceremony and reception for 450 people. Yes, there really were that many invited. I don't begrudge her that at all. But the dress style of the time was poof, pearls and padding. I rivaled Lady Di in her regalia.

As I stated above, I'm nearing 40, I'm a woman who knows what she wants and I want the pared down classiness instead of the pomp and circumstance. Though what I had been planning for June WAS going to be fan-freaking-tastic! Maybe it's some selfishness. But a woman is entitled to want to look and feel her absolute best on her wedding day. The secondary dress we bought the other day isn't quite what I want but it'll do. Because tomorrow, I wed the Major, my best friend, my lover, the one person in this world who truly understands and loves me for all my flaws. He thinks I'm beautiful when I'm blubbering incoherently in my pajamas. So I'll make the most of tomorrow. I'll buy some amazing and colorful new shoegasms (because what outfit is complete without them?), see my family and many of our friends at dinner at a local Japanese restaurant and live and love.

That's what it's about. Year after year, getting older, wiser and happier. Yes, 38 will be the year of change and amazeballs discovery! Bring it on, Life!!

Major, Biggun and Bunny, I love you three with all my heart. Thank you for being in my life. 

Happy Birthday, Major Resident

It's November and I'm seeing friends list all the things they're thankful for each day on Facebook. If I did that, I'd be a mushy puddle of goo. I'm incredibly thankful, don't get me wrong. I have an amazing family, the best boyfriend in the universe, the best sons a woman could ask for, amazing friends and support systems and my health is good. I have a home, food and am in want for nothing. (Except coffee and chocolate. You can never have too much of those!) But I don't want to save all my thanks for just one month in a post a day.

Today, I'm most thankful for that boyfriend. Who knows where we're headed but this life we lead is fraught with twists and turns and I enjoy seeing the surprises down every curve. We've both been on extreme roll coasters in our lives and come out with the largest teddy at fair. Today, God granted him another birthday. I pray God will grant us another 44 years together, as we were missing so much time together.

I WAS able to sneak onto base with the help of two of his unit crew. Had a cake and cookies and a bunch of people signed a card. I want him to know that he DOES make a difference in the lives of those around him. It's not something he's use to, that's for sure. Throughout the day, I've had friends and family call the house and my cell with messages of good wishes and happiness for his day. ALso bought Avenue Q tix for this weekend. SO excited! I have a few more surprises up my sleeves but until the day is done, I can't reveal. He reads this blog. :)

Baby, you ain't seen nothing yet!

As I said on my own FB:

A few years ago, he showed me friendship. Time passed & it became compassion when my heart hurt the worst. A bit more time & I returned the favor. I couldn't imagine my life without him now, without the laughter & love. Happy Birthday to a most incredible man!  

Silence, Part Deux

I'd wanted to post on Friday but I was too busy living real life to worry about the online. Isn't that the way it SHOULD be? What would we do if you got off the computer, the cell phone, the iPad and just lived? I, for one, worked more, played more, exercised more and ate better. I went out with real friends who made me laugh, who I curled up with on the couch and just told stories about life and love. I took a run with our dog, the kids riding their bikes ahead of me, and taught to oldest to make three different stir fry dishes. Life, my friends, is beautiful. Four more days until it achieves even more greatness.

To continue what I started last Thursday, I'm truly thankful for certain people in my life, good or bad.

My mom is a wonderful, beautiful and caring person who had a rough go of life at the beginning and who I cherish. She's one of those people who you'd say upon meeting her, "She has a heart as big as Texas!" I learn every day from her and watching her care for my dad as his last days slipped away, I understand how incredible it is to be a strong, independent woman in love with a man truly worth his weight in gold.

To R, S and T: I'm thankful I learned the lesson of letting go: letting go of the friendships/good feelings I thought we had and seeing you for who you really were. Letting go of the bad feelings I had for you after and growing from the unintended lessons. My brain hurts thinking of the wrong you caused others and yet, I'm glad to be free of that personal responsibility.

Thankful to other detractors who said I wasn't athletic enough, smart enough or just enough. I've now run two Warrior Dashes, am seriously looking into going back to school for two more degrees and someone I know thinks I'm more than enough and tells me so every day.

My sisters: What can I say about these other two parts of our Oreo? Though we're so far apart in age, I'm so lucky to now know you as friends and fellow moms and incredible women. Your kids are the stuff of dreams and I love seeing the two of you so happy. xox

My son was recently told he should probably not be so opinionated or speak his mind around certain people. I think this is a crock of bull malarky!!! He has every right to speak his mind when he sees a wrong doing and he is allowed to tell others how much he loves me as his mother and my cooking or whatever!
SO J, you SPEAK your mind, little man. Within reason and always with kindness, but don't let ANYONE ever try to push you back or keep you from being the awesome kid you are!! 

This blog got sappy and a bit snappy, but that's life. And I'm no longer silent.

Silent All These Years No Longer

Amazing high praise for my blog today. I'm truly humbled that so many are reading it and giving me positive feedback. Sure, when I first started it, there were several who felt I revealed too much, criticized me for moving too fast with the Major, or just didn't understand why in the hell I would want to write about something so personal on the Internet.

Because it helps ME feel better about who I am, where I'm going in life as I accept challenges and changes and I hope someday my kids look back on it and know me for who I really am. For 37 years, I tried hiding behind what everyone else wanted me to be, this facade of happy-go-lucky goody two shoes. Sorry, but the human in me wanted out, wanted to be cherished, wanted MORE than I was given in life. I'm not handed what I want by any means now. I work just as hard for things, people and ideas, but I'm not afraid of voicing my opinion when warranted.

This is who I am and the Major loves me because of it. So do my friends and family. I'm liable to embarrass them at some point in time, but never out of meanness. Every single person in my life is or was there for a reason and I respect and love that. Believe it or not, I thank God for those who were even awful to me. Because it makes me appreciate my loved ones all the more.

So today's and tomorrow's blog will be about some of these wonders. Starting with the good stuff, of course!

From my FB:
Heather, 
As I was trying to avoid work I played catch up on the wonderful world of Facebook and then stopped by your blog to catch up! I want to thank you for your lovely use of words to describe life in a way that others can relate to and in a way that can allow me to get lost for 30 minutes, when I should be busy typing away at my computer & reading Deeds that bore me to death! I am glad that you are happy & I appreciate that you are able to turn blunders into reading enjoyment for others. Thank you for an escape. 
Misty 
P. S. You look MARVELOUS! (Girl, Did you know I was scared to death of you in junior high because you were so mean to me on the bus? Then I figured out you were just a big softie who needed understanding. ;))

From Bexi bunneh over at thepersistenceofthepen: I've recently just caught up as well...you give me a feeling of normalcy in a world that is far from normal...thoughts turn into things and whether positive or negative we both seem to find the positive in all things regardless of our first reaction to them. I too love that you give me an escape and the ability to relate to even the most ridiculous yet somehow relevant things :) love you bunneh xo (Love you too, sweet girl. See you soon!!)

My friend Char, who knows my situation EXACTLY and gives me sage advice with a keen sense of humor. We WILL be going back to Vegas some day!

Megs, Anne and Betty Red, my three favoritest redheads in the universe. Thank you for not stealing my soul and instead giving me reasons to laugh, cry and live.

To A: We don't really know each other but thank you for everything you did to bring the Major out of his shell and to be the man he is today. I'm eternally grateful you two are friends and hope you can ever remain so. I'm glad you have his back. You deserve much happiness.

Gold, Silver, Platinum - Find Your Value

Make new friends

But keep the old.

One is silver

and the other gold.

The Scouts had it almost right. Old friends are usually silver, cherished but not tarnished. Reminders of other times when our youthful friendships were changeable. Gold friends, though newer, are sometimes more valuable because they are made when we are wiser, more choosy in our friendships. And then, there are the friendships the old song doesn't talk about. 

Platinum friendships are forged early, stronger to last thru tough times. These friends will never leave you, no matter how much you piss them off, which you undoubtedly will, if you are able to be truly honest with them and yourself. They are also the least understood, infinitely rarer. My Major has one of these with his ex and it's been an honor to watch the grace with which they've treated each other thru a divorce and beyond.

How could a couple travel the world together, figure out being married wasn't for them as a couple and yet remain so close? The reasons for the split are only between them or what they choose to share with others. However, it was cause for much needless speculation by friends and family. They all had their own opinions and still gossip about why they stay friends. I barely understand it myself, some days. 


But I'm proud of them. Earlier in February, he kept a promise made more than a year prior that he would go with her family on a trip. Despite some awkwardness, they had a wonderful time and I approved. This week, as I prepare to move in with him, he'll be driving her across country back to Canada. She's spent quite a bit of time with him and his son this week since there's no telling when she'll get to see them again. She's the Major's best friend and I approve.


I have a similar friendship with my ex. He's a great father to our kids though we weren't right for each other. But we still laugh together, still text each other, share stories. Some days are easier than others, and we piss each other off because our communication styles are different. But we mean well. 


So today I'll say again how proud I am of the Major and A. She deserves every happiness and I know she'll find it. And I hope she comes back to visit. 

A circle is round

and has no end.

That's how long

I want to be your friend.