I adore Samuel L. Jackson for his no-nonsense style of acting. He's got it all under control but you know there's some crazy lurking under there. From Pulp Fiction and Snakes on a Plane to Black Snake Moan and his roles in Star Wars and the Matrix, people have a tendency to listen when he talks. Maybe it's all the F-bombs he drops that somehow don't seem to be gratuitous but rather are strategic missiles used to make his points. Maybe it's the deep voice and oh-so-serious-but-you-better-believe-he'll-cut-you look. Whatever it is, I hope this newest video of his serves as the morning alarm everyone needs to hear.
Today, I present this video from MoveOn.org for your viewing pleasure (or displeasure if you're on the opposite spectrum):
Those bigger asswipes who pick on people smaller than them because they think size will protect them, either thru intimidation or sheer force.
Those smaller Napoleon weenies who, like rabid, snarling poodles try to push others around, regardless of size because they have something to prove.
Well, guess what you little pricks? This little mama may be small but dynamite comes in small packages and I WILL NOT let my kids be victims. Yes, I KNOW violence isn't the answer and turning the other cheek is the best thing to do. However, my children shouldn't have to constantly deal with humiliation, fear or kicks to self confidence. They WILL be taught to stand up for themselves. They already stand up for other kids who are bullied but they don't think it's a big deal when others do it to them. I should be proud of that, knowing my boys are being raised well. But a part of me, that Lindsey demon, is growling and snarling herself and I'm about to let her loose.
Earlier today, a kid swatted at my kidlet who's 11, tall and broad for his age. He takes after his dad in more than size: he's also a gentle giant. He champions others and keeps his own hurts to himself. He told the kid, who happened to be smaller, to knock it off. The jerk then fake juked a punch to my son's face then punched him in the stomach. Unprovoked. (If you know my son, you know this is true and not just a mom turning a blind eye. And there were witnesses.) My kidlet didn't hit back but did have the wind knocked out of him and told the principal his side of the story. Little jerk talked to the principal too but didn't get punished. WHAAAA???
Oh, it is ON.
My son had the same problem with a jerk on his baseball team who was favored by the coach as well. That kid spread some terrible and hurtful rumors about the kidlet as well as spit at him and threw baseballs at his face. The kidlet turned away each time, ignoring the taunts but I KNOW it got to him. How do I know? Because another kid told me about how he would hear my kidlet put himself down under his breath during drills, repeating the same hurtful things the jerk had told him. (commence breakage of mommy's heart)
When I confronted the coaches, I was told "boys will be boys" and despite a no tolerance policy, the kid wasn't forced to sit on the bench, as I was told would happen. MY kid sat instead. Of course, I knew where the jerk got his attitude. His mother was a first-class headcase herself and fond of spreading her own brand of meanness. Some people never grow up.
During a big tournament where my kidlet was needed but still sat sideline, I asked the coach again why the other kid was still playing after his actions continued. I was the one ridiculed, (by the coach!) my parenting skills questioned. Mama don't play that! I immediately pulled my son from the team and let it be known loudly neither he NOR his brother would ever play for that coach again. Despite my ex-husband knowing him for many years and being an assistant coach for the same team. The team fell apart after that and good riddance to bad rubbish. Do I regret my actions? NO. Because I stood up for my son when he needed me most.
This next bully better watch it or he'll find himself in a world of hurt. My claws are being sharpened as we speak and the kidlet is about to learn tae kwon do moves from the Major.
God bless the family of a little boy in Stillwater who took his own life in front of students this morning because of bullies. Rest in Peace, Cade.
(If you're from somewhere other than the US, please respond below this post so I can say hi to you!)
I don't really think of the people out there who read my blog because I just write it as a way to release. To get Lindsey, the inner demon, under control and beef up my creativity. A scream into the ethernet and if someone hears me, I hope I don't blow out their eardrums. Then I happened to see the Google Analytics of this blog for grins and giggles.
Holy Moses, 1,400 people from the craziest parts of the world are reading this blog! Staying on pages and reading multiple posts. It's humbling. I had to add a Translate This button so no one felt left out.
Some of the amazing places I wish I could visit from where readers are sent to my musings:
United Kingdom
Canada
Germany
Paraguay
Russia
Thailand
Brazil
Belgium
South Korea
Australia
Finland
Mexico
Thanks to readers from each of these! And I'm not quite sure why "Clean All the Things" is the most popular search phrase but it's funny all the same. (Is the world that dirty? Am I that OCD? I heart Hyperbole and a Half because of it.) And yes, I'm still alive and kicking, though my boyfriend tried to kill me. Thinking he doesn't get to fix dinner any more. No telling if he ends up putting nuts into the food. Tree nuts. Not his own...
Friday was quite eventful. I took the Major to base to get his car and new ID as his was demolished by the dog. After I returned home, I ate a handful of chocolate covered macadamia nuts he had brought me from his recent trip. They nearly proved to be the death of me and I'm still paying for their nutty goodness.
I developed an allergy to pecans and walnuts after my sons were born and I'm careful to avoid them in foods. I've never had a reaction to other nuts until this week. The macadamia nuts were raw, which I hadn't had before and five minutes after swallowing, I was violently ill. Not to gross anyone out, I'll just say I revisited the last three meals I had eaten within 30 minutes. My throat felt tight and my mouth was on fire and raw, like I'd continuously licked sand paper or eaten live fire ants. Luckily, I didn't panic. (It's funny how you can post to Facebook from the bathroom floor when you need info on allergies.)
The Major rushed home and got me to the urgent care clinic where two sick bags later, they could tell I was not doing so hot. After the usual triage bp/O2 check/weigh in (curse you, damn scale! I WILL win that battle some day!), A "doctor" who looked suspiciously like Tammy Faye Baker with enough cologne to knock over a horse proceeded to tell me I was probably allergic to macadamia nuts as well.
NO s**t, Sherlock! A Benedryl shot in my hip helped ease the symptoms and I was sent home to sleep it off. (OMG, that really really freaking HURT!!) (Fine, I'm a baby enough when it comes to needles but I swear that shot hurt like a wasp sting!!) Two days later, there's still a sizeable lump at the injection site and it's sore. I'm such a weakling when it comes to shots.
I've carried some queasiness with me through the weekend but didn't let it stop me from going to the Oklahoma State Fair and eating fried things. I didn't go on any rides that spun. OOH, wooziness. But I'm wondering why the Major keeps trying to get me to try different things with tree nuts though...
For anyone who knows the Major, you've probably seen his Facebook and the jokes he made over two weeks of being TDY in Guam about being made the king there. And his demand for minions. Lots of them.
I've made it a habit, whenever he comes in by commercial jet (since I can't get on base yet) or when he walks in the door to greet him with a funny sign. Sure, it's cheesy but everyone should feel welcomed. As some of his crew walked passed me, they got a good chuckle as well.
Once kicked off the island, the other minions ran for it. Cowards!
It's not royal fanfare, but it did the job.
I snickered as I posted the next picture, slightly modified:
All Hail the Conquering Hero!
After unpacking some things, showing me gifts he acquired from adoring islanders (gift shops are classic for this), jet lag began to set in. All was quiet during naptime when I hear the sound of a plastic bag being dragged around the living room. Our 60 lb Rhodesian Ridgeback "puppy"decided to have a snack of the Major's things left on the coffee table! It was a trail of destruction from the front room to the back yard. Money scattered on the back porch, completely demolished credit cards, military ID and driver's license and a gnawed strip of leather which use to be his wallet. The watch was farther back in the yard, and luckily only needs a new strap. Sparky ran for the hills when I started hollering at him, my flipflop wielded above my head as I chased him.
He's still contrite this morning.
Photo stolen. I think I'll be forgiven.
So welcome home! Everyone loves you... except the dog, it seems.
I'm known for being a rather vibrant person. I laugh loudly and often and cry without fear. Sometimes a snap in anger though I'm much better at controlling it than I use to be. My music is a constant, either playing in the background or with me singing along, hopefully not off-key. I love color, even splashes or sparkles of it when wearing all black. Throwing open the curtains and shades first thing in the morning because of the sunlight. I use LOL and :) quite a bit in texts. Because I probably AM smiling and laughing out loud.
Lots of different textures now abound in our home, as visitors will attest, from velvets and satin to brushed cotton and rich, dark wood. They reflect the life and vitality seeping from our pores. Ruby reds, grassy greens, sapphire blues, pumpkin-y rusts. It's great when a home smells and looks good but much like people, it needs to be touched and FEEL good, to be LIVED in.
Can you tell I'm in a thoughtful and great mood? Maybe it's the excessive amounts of coffee I've poured down my gullet today. Most likely it's because I got word today that as of this writing, within 5 hours, the Major will be on his way home to me! YAAAAAAAYYYY!!!! Too much? Too bad. Communication has been minimum, at best, because of so many things and it was wonderful being able to see his face for 5 minutes finally on Skype the other day. As I told quebecokie, it felt like I could finally breathe, even for a few minutes, knowing for sure he was doing well.
So my music is turned up even more today. I'm dancing around in my office chair. I'm smiling a bit more, sighing less. It'll be a long while before he's home as he crosses an ocean and half a continent but it'll be sooner than I imagined.
Oh, crap. I was too busy to get the To-Do List finished!
(PS, *waves hi to new readers in Finland, Germany, Mexico, UK and Russia!)
Sometimes, I just need to run. Run out the frustrations, the cares, the worry. Run as if someone is chasing me. Put the dog on the leash and let him drag me along, wind in my face, sun beating down, sweat pouring out of me along with the cares. Wear myself out physically while my brain works thru all the issues, leaving me with a clear head.
But never run from problems. They'll just sit there, waiting for your return, jumping down your throat when you're weakest. Run AT them, headlong and with abandon. They'll scatter like leaves.
I'd wanted to post on Friday but I was too busy living real life to worry about the online. Isn't that the way it SHOULD be? What would we do if you got off the computer, the cell phone, the iPad and just lived? I, for one, worked more, played more, exercised more and ate better. I went out with real friends who made me laugh, who I curled up with on the couch and just told stories about life and love. I took a run with our dog, the kids riding their bikes ahead of me, and taught to oldest to make three different stir fry dishes. Life, my friends, is beautiful. Four more days until it achieves even more greatness.
To continue what I started last Thursday, I'm truly thankful for certain people in my life, good or bad.
My mom is a wonderful, beautiful and caring person who had a rough go of life at the beginning and who I cherish. She's one of those people who you'd say upon meeting her, "She has a heart as big as Texas!" I learn every day from her and watching her care for my dad as his last days slipped away, I understand how incredible it is to be a strong, independent woman in love with a man truly worth his weight in gold.
To R, S and T: I'm thankful I learned the lesson of letting go: letting go of the friendships/good feelings I thought we had and seeing you for who you really were. Letting go of the bad feelings I had for you after and growing from the unintended lessons. My brain hurts thinking of the wrong you caused others and yet, I'm glad to be free of that personal responsibility.
Thankful to other detractors who said I wasn't athletic enough, smart enough or just enough. I've now run two Warrior Dashes, am seriously looking into going back to school for two more degrees and someone I know thinks I'm more than enough and tells me so every day.
My sisters: What can I say about these other two parts of our Oreo? Though we're so far apart in age, I'm so lucky to now know you as friends and fellow moms and incredible women. Your kids are the stuff of dreams and I love seeing the two of you so happy. xox
My son was recently told he should probably not be so opinionated or speak his mind around certain people. I think this is a crock of bull malarky!!! He has every right to speak his mind when he sees a wrong doing and he is allowed to tell others how much he loves me as his mother and my cooking or whatever! SO J, you SPEAK your mind, little man. Within reason and always with kindness, but don't let ANYONE ever try to push you back or keep you from being the awesome kid you are!!
This blog got sappy and a bit snappy, but that's life. And I'm no longer silent.
Amazing high praise for my blog today. I'm truly humbled that so many are reading it and giving me positive feedback. Sure, when I first started it, there were several who felt I revealed too much, criticized me for moving too fast with the Major, or just didn't understand why in the hell I would want to write about something so personal on the Internet.
Because it helps ME feel better about who I am, where I'm going in life as I accept challenges and changes and I hope someday my kids look back on it and know me for who I really am. For 37 years, I tried hiding behind what everyone else wanted me to be, this facade of happy-go-lucky goody two shoes. Sorry, but the human in me wanted out, wanted to be cherished, wanted MORE than I was given in life. I'm not handed what I want by any means now. I work just as hard for things, people and ideas, but I'm not afraid of voicing my opinion when warranted.
This is who I am and the Major loves me because of it. So do my friends and family. I'm liable to embarrass them at some point in time, but never out of meanness. Every single person in my life is or was there for a reason and I respect and love that. Believe it or not, I thank God for those who were even awful to me. Because it makes me appreciate my loved ones all the more.
So today's and tomorrow's blog will be about some of these wonders. Starting with the good stuff, of course!
From my FB: Heather, As I was trying to avoid work I played catch up on the wonderful world of Facebook and then stopped by your blog to catch up! I want to thank you for your lovely use of words to describe life in a way that others can relate to and in a way that can allow me to get lost for 30 minutes, when I should be busy typing away at my computer & reading Deeds that bore me to death! I am glad that you are happy & I appreciate that you are able to turn blunders into reading enjoyment for others. Thank you for an escape. Misty P. S. You look MARVELOUS! (Girl, Did you know I was scared to death of you in junior high because you were so mean to me on the bus? Then I figured out you were just a big softie who needed understanding. ;)) From Bexi bunneh over at thepersistenceofthepen: I've recently just caught up as well...you give me a feeling of normalcy in a world that is far from normal...thoughts turn into things and whether positive or negative we both seem to find the positive in all things regardless of our first reaction to them. I too love that you give me an escape and the ability to relate to even the most ridiculous yet somehow relevant things :) love you bunneh xo (Love you too, sweet girl. See you soon!!)
My friend Char, who knows my situation EXACTLY and gives me sage advice with a keen sense of humor. We WILL be going back to Vegas some day!
Megs, Anne and Betty Red, my three favoritest redheads in the universe. Thank you for not stealing my soul and instead giving me reasons to laugh, cry and live.
To A: We don't really know each other but thank you for everything you did to bring the Major out of his shell and to be the man he is today. I'm eternally grateful you two are friends and hope you can ever remain so. I'm glad you have his back. You deserve much happiness.
One of my goals these last two weeks was to start a regular routine of working out. Sure, it takes more time than that to establish something more concrete, but it's a start. I was so gung ho about working out, running nearly every day and getting into fantastic shape at the beginning of the year. No, it wasn't one of those NYE resolutions gone the way of the gutter. I had a great routine going. But then life and sickness crashed down on me.
I got a severe lung infection and bronchitis the week of the Warrior Dash, early in the summer. And I was also in the process of packing up our house to move in here. Two stressful times, if ever there were worse. After a round of antibiotics and steroids, I went ahead with the Dash, passing out afterward and having the Major fetch me the first aid folks who promptly began reprimanding me for running the extreme 5K in the hot sun on the meds I was taking. (Hey, I'm hardcore about this!) So, I took some time off. To recover and to pack. By then, as temperatures are wont to do in this god-forsaken state in summer, Hades was blazing outside. Simply walking out the door in 110 F with 60% humidity was stifling. Whoever put the pan of water into the stove known as Oklahoma and turned it on high was a jerk!
It's beginning to cool off and all four of us have bikes we can ride around the neighborhood. So that's a start. I've been using freeweights, doing yoga, pilates and weight resistance moves and starting to see some results. My weight and body issues have always been a sore point with me and I haven't been seeing as many results as I'd like. I'd had an affair with weight-loss supplements in the past and as someone with heart problems as a kid, this was stupid, obviously. However, the allure of the vitamin-slash-weight loss aisle was calling to me at the store yesterday.
"Quick results!"
"Lose half a human in three weeks!"
"Eating? That's for pigs! Never be hungry again!" they all claimed.
And then there's fun stuff they only whisper: "Have heart palpitations for life!"
"Dizziness and nausea mean the product is working!" "Just think, you'll be thin and pretty when you die!"
The loudest voice though was one that reverberated in my head from last year, when the Major threatened to literally spank me so hard I couldn't sit down if I ever touched any of those products again. I'd not seen him so angry at me about my health. The threat of me being a grown woman spanked like a child, as well as several friends who would probably help him hold me down, made me drop the bottle of "ephedra-free" pill o'the week so fast I almost broke it. Instead, I hustled over to the next aisle and got some dried fruits.
I've been pretty good this week, even getting in some swimming and eating fairly well. Dropped a few pounds and watched parts of my body head back north where they belong. (No, I'm not posting pics. Don't ask.)
After telling the rest of the voices in my head to shut up, I sure am enjoying this small bowl of ice cream I so richly deserve!
Sometimes, technology is the only thing that can connect you with others. International cell and text rates are out of this world and so communication will be at a minimum with the Major. But it reminds me of simpler times, when lovers wrote letters by hand or sent post cards when they were too far apart to talk.
In the meantime, my work load has doubled, luckily, and I'm staying busy, drinking way too much coffee for my own good and learning new things. Such as: I have a hard time saying no to friends and clients. I want to help out and my time is becoming precious. The majority of it I want to spend with my kids and when they aren't there, I focus on other things. My business is really taking off and I'm finally paying off bills that piled up over the last year of being off work. I've found a good niche but there might be something else out there.
A recent conversation:
"You've helped a bunch of our friends with these issues, why don't you think about going back to school? Even think about getting a PhD?"
"You're kidding, right? A DOCTORATE? I couldn't even get back to school before because I couldn't possibly work while going thru such a tough schedule for a Master's! We lived paycheck to paycheck as it was. I like my independence and won't live off you." (cue tears of mortification. Ask my mom. I couldn't even ask my parents for college money when I lived in a shitty apartment and didn't have heat or electricity mid-winter.)
"You're selling yourself short. I've heard your conversations and think you'd be amazing at this. Besides, you have me and I fully support you. You can do the same client work you do now on the side. Do your homework with the kids. They'd really see how important schooling is if you are in it."
WHOA is that a lot to think about...
I think I would just need to get my confidence back up to decent levels before seeking this prospect. Granted, the impetus was one of my clients for whom I've been doing great work but this would take SO much chutzpah. ME, with a PhD?? Holy hell. And I could do a lot of the job thru various media and online, researching and communicating with others, though I love the one-on-one approach. Having worked in radio, I could take it to another level entirely. Until I make a decision, I'm keeping the rest of it close to the vest.
I take risks but I won't make a poor gamble. It's gotta be a sure thing.
But Mousie, thou art no thy lane, In proving foresight may be vain: The best-laid schemes o' mice an' men Gang aft agley...
To a Mouse by Robert Burns, 1785
True to my word, I've begun the task of keeping busy. Too busy to fret, to bemoan the early stages of loneliness. My kidlets came home Saturday afternoon and we filled it with a wondrous trip to the zoo then making our version of flatbread pizza with a movie. The next was filled with church, taking the oldest to Frontier City while I took his brother to a round robin of flag football, where he promptly kicked tail, scoring the first TD of the season.
I'm jealous of the Major as he landed in Hawaii for a few days for maintenance on the plane. His crew finally left this morning (midnight Waikiki time) for Guam. As of this writing, I just got word that he made it safe. THAT part of the waiting drives me crazy, the not knowing of whether the plane landed and he stepped off. Though he was essentially working during his time in paradise, he managed to send me a few pics. One was a sunset he wished he could have shared as we had talked of seeing Hawaii together for the first time. He just happened to beat me to it. Some day.
And as per the last post, I've almost completed one of my projects. I found a bolt of incredible fabric that has a pattern on one side that matches the upstairs bedroom and then reverses to match the office! I couldn't be happier with the result. As soon as they're done, I'll post pics. I have some throw pillows that go incredibly well with them too. I caught the youngest laying on the unfinished piece upstairs in the window so they're already a hit!
I think I'll tackle making Chicken Cordon Bleu tomorrow. Mmmmm prosciutto and gruyère... My Nanny (grandmother) made the yummiest.
For now, I'm staving off the weepies. I CAN be strong. It's just really, really nice when he's home.
Now he's gone. Left at 0600 this morning. I got up with him to help last minute prep and even made a few dozen cookies for his crew. As soon as the door closed, I had a proper boo hoo, went back to sleep for a few hours and now I don't feel like doing anything. Nothing. Nada. Zilch.
It's nearly noon, I'm still in my pjs and I haven't eaten or even had my coffee. For those who know my fiendish appetite for a good cuppa, this isn't good. I'll get over this, I know. And that's okay. I need a day to rcoup, think about things to do in the meantime. Thankfully, I'll have my kids for a few days and we're going to the zoo tomorrow. And flag football starts for the youngest so I'll be busy with them a few days of the week.
I've decided the next two weeks are going to be busy (after I get my tuckus in gear.) There's still so much to do with this house to make it truly comfortable and a home. We hung some pictures last weekend but it isn't enough.
So my Major is Gone, Suck it Up! To-Do List:
1. Exercise every day. Build a better habit of it.
2. Organize the office files better. Consolidate, shred and otherwise get this crap cleaned up.
3. Make lovely, comfy window seats for the upstairs guest bed and the office. (This one has long been on my list since there's already a bench in each large window.) Some pillows, new window coverings and a padded seat will make it simply awesome. I want them to be gathering places for folks!
4. Hang more pictures! Throughout the house, the boys room especially.
5. Get the new shades installed in their room. It'll help with the electric bills and look SO much nicer in there. Wish I could repaint and take down the awful border in there. It'll be awhile.
6. Learn to cook something new, a dish I've never made before.
7. Unpack and sort some more boxes out of the garage.
Sure. All these things are rather ambitious for two weeks time but it'll keep my mind busy and my hands more so. After all, time is on my side.
I've done some childish things as an adult. I've been mean and petty, one of those Mean Girls. Today, I just feel petulant. A little girl who has stifled the tears all day long though my inner Lindsey has been pouting for several days. (For those of you in military families use to this, stop reading now if you're going to tell me to grow up. YOU had to go thru this the first time too. So nyah nyah nyah!)
On Monday, the Major and I had decided we would be going to the Air Force Ball after all. I was so excited and had rushed to find the perfect dress! It fit me beautifully and I would feel like his princess in it. That dress is now hanging forlornly in the wardrobe, hoping for another chance to make a good impression. You see, a big ol' stinky AF bomb was dropped in his lap the next day, right after he bought the ball tickets. Tomorrow morning, he leaves for an island in the Pacific, close to the Philippines, for two weeks. AFTER the ball.
Sure, I'm disappointed about missing the ball but I'm hoping there'll be others. What I'm having trouble with now is the separation anxiety. The longest we've been apart is 10 days when he left for Vegas and I got to fly out at the end of the TDY to meet him there and have a little vacation. But he leaves tomorrow at last notice because someone did something a little stupid and hurt themselves so he's going in their stead. There's still a possibility he could be sent overseas to the Middle East for six months come November too, which we knew about in advance. This trip was just unlucky circumstance.
And speaking of luck, we had dinner tonight at a favorite sushi place and I nearly came unglued after seeing our fortunes. Those damn flour paste cookies had it in for us, I'm sure of it! He opened his to reveal, "Hope for the best but prepare for the worst."
Whaaaa the fuuuuu??
Seriously, like I need to add to my anxiety that something atrocious will happen to the man I love, the one I've been waking up with every morning after snuggling all night, who I finally found after what seems a lifetime of looking!!
The kicker was when I opened up mine. Guess what it said? Yeah, my mouth dropped open too.
EFF YOU UNIVERSE and your cruelty! Hoping for the best and preparing for the worst could be ANYTHING. If you're a bit facetious like I am, you added "...in bed" at the end of the fortune. So am I supposed to expect to wet the bed? Have painful sex? Stub my toe on the frame? Sheesh. Gimme a clue here, Mr. Universal Fate, who gave us both the worst possible fortune!
Life has been amazingly wonderful at the moment. (So sue me. It HAS.) We've now been living together for two months and it's been so easy, it's scary. Sure, we have disagreements but they barely pass with the blink of an eye. I keep expecting the other shoe to drop. Maybe this is the stiletto to fall on my instep, heel down. I know I'm supposed to be one of those strong women, stoically keeping the home lights burning while her man is off doing his military duty. It's only two weeks.
But right now, I want to wrap around his leg and cry, "Please don't go!"
