To my son, with love

Twelve years ago at this time (1:45 pm CST) I was hooked up to monitors at a hospital 40 miles from home, listening to the steady thrum-thrum-thrum of a muffled heartbeat. Nurses periodically checked in on me, taking vitals, feeling for changes. (That one with the particularly large and knobby fingers was NOT welcome again after her first visit. I'm sorry, but NO woman should be subjected to that while in the throes of labor! Witch.) I had worked the day before, a Monday, feeling a bit worse for wear and achey. My husband at the time had had every one of his wisdom teeth removed that day and was loopy as a doormouse. I had gone to bed around 9, very tired and somehow knowing I wouldn't get much sleep for the next 40+ years. We weren't expecting this little bundle for five years but he decided the combination of antacids+ the Pill after too much tequila+ Mexican food on the Fourth of July was the perfect time to make an appearance.

At 3:30 am, the H got up to take his dose of painkillers. This was also the exact time I woke up, gripped my stomach and gasped. The constant Braxton-Hicks I had felt for several weeks was NOTHING compared to the tightening of my entire body and losing my breath in pain. Quickly remembering lamaze techniques, I went into laser-focused Feather mode. In crisis or extreme stress, my sense of clarity is crystal and I begin planning/implementation processes. I also tend to be a bit short with people. (No height jokes, thank you. Yes, I'm little. :-P) We hadn't quite planned for this little one to come two weeks early. I couldn't very well drive myself to the hospital in another city and neither could H since he was on painkillers. A quick call to a good friend had her at our house in a few minutes and on our way to be parents.

On the way to the hospital, I had the same sense of calm as when I recently married the Major. I breathed regularly thru each contraction and smiled, knowing I would soon hold a little bundle of awesome. Over the years, he's shown me how wrong I was. He's way more awesome than I can say. He reminds me so much of my dad, and not just because they have the same eyes and name. This incredibly talented and smart almost-man is as tall as I am with one of the kindest hearts I've ever come across. When the Major is TDY, the J-Meister takes his job of "man of the house" very seriously, watching out for his momma and little brother. His insight is scary sometimes. He knows if I'm not fully telling him the truth, if I'm trying to protect him from certain things. I swear he's like a sponge, absorbing all that life has to offer and learning everything in sight.

This morning, I kept a tradition alive my dad started with me and my sisters when we were little. I finally found a little mom and pop donut shop that made specialty donuts. Most of the shops around here have their donuts shipped in from a bakery. Sure, they may have been made late last night but they couldn't compare to the smell of baked goods wafting from that kitchen. The owner even made a special sprinkles and M&Ms one just for the birthday boy. The kid was stoked!

Sgt. Frog or Keroro Gunso
about an alien frog who tries
to take over the world...badly.

Now, his life is about to change and I'm so proud of how he's handling everything. Looking thru every website he can about Japan and Okinawa. Watching Japanese cartoons (which are HIGH-larious, dubbed in English, btw. They even thru in a "I'll have what Meg Ryan is having." joke!) and asking a million questions about how all of this affects him and his brother. He's an amazing boy and I'm so proud to be his mom.

Happy Birthday, my oldest! I can't thank God enough for putting you in my life!

The Caged Bird Sings Happy Birthday

Today is my birthday. I'm not bashful in saying I'm two years shy of 40 and I look fabulous! This morning, the Major and the boys got up early, went to buy donuts for me and surprised me with breakfast in bed. Noms topped with birthday candles! We sat on the bed and ate the sugary deliciousness until it was time for school. The youngest had crawled into bed with me to snuggle for a few minutes alone first, telling me "Now you're 21!" He's been especially snuggly recently, what with all the craziness going on. I'll take what I can get as he'll soon be too big to want to be a snuggle bunny. :(

Tonight, we're celebrating and saying goodbye to good friends Sophia and Matt who are moving to San Fran. I still hope there's cake. Tomorrow, I get the BEST present I could possibly want though. I get to marry the man it seems I've waited forever for. Like everyone else led up to him. The rush up to the wedding and the worry about everything complicated about the move to Japan have had me on the verge of tears and hysteria for the last week. Then I get the bad news late last night that the tailor who made my dress, who had PROMISED it would be here either yesterday or today, didn't send it until last night. Le sigh Sent me into a crying mess of ick. Not quite Bridezilla, thankfully.

The birdcage headpiece I made for tomorrow.

Sure, I know it's just trappings and frills. But this was my Dream dress. When I got married the first time, I was young, impetuous and living in a fantasy world. My mom, who got married far too early (thanks to me), didn't get to have a large wedding so I agreed to just about everything she suggested for our wedding, only insisting on the colors I wanted. And it was gorgeous! Truly a beautiful ceremony and reception for 450 people. Yes, there really were that many invited. I don't begrudge her that at all. But the dress style of the time was poof, pearls and padding. I rivaled Lady Di in her regalia.

As I stated above, I'm nearing 40, I'm a woman who knows what she wants and I want the pared down classiness instead of the pomp and circumstance. Though what I had been planning for June WAS going to be fan-freaking-tastic! Maybe it's some selfishness. But a woman is entitled to want to look and feel her absolute best on her wedding day. The secondary dress we bought the other day isn't quite what I want but it'll do. Because tomorrow, I wed the Major, my best friend, my lover, the one person in this world who truly understands and loves me for all my flaws. He thinks I'm beautiful when I'm blubbering incoherently in my pajamas. So I'll make the most of tomorrow. I'll buy some amazing and colorful new shoegasms (because what outfit is complete without them?), see my family and many of our friends at dinner at a local Japanese restaurant and live and love.

That's what it's about. Year after year, getting older, wiser and happier. Yes, 38 will be the year of change and amazeballs discovery! Bring it on, Life!!

Major, Biggun and Bunny, I love you three with all my heart. Thank you for being in my life. 

Happy Birthday, Major Resident

It's November and I'm seeing friends list all the things they're thankful for each day on Facebook. If I did that, I'd be a mushy puddle of goo. I'm incredibly thankful, don't get me wrong. I have an amazing family, the best boyfriend in the universe, the best sons a woman could ask for, amazing friends and support systems and my health is good. I have a home, food and am in want for nothing. (Except coffee and chocolate. You can never have too much of those!) But I don't want to save all my thanks for just one month in a post a day.

Today, I'm most thankful for that boyfriend. Who knows where we're headed but this life we lead is fraught with twists and turns and I enjoy seeing the surprises down every curve. We've both been on extreme roll coasters in our lives and come out with the largest teddy at fair. Today, God granted him another birthday. I pray God will grant us another 44 years together, as we were missing so much time together.

I WAS able to sneak onto base with the help of two of his unit crew. Had a cake and cookies and a bunch of people signed a card. I want him to know that he DOES make a difference in the lives of those around him. It's not something he's use to, that's for sure. Throughout the day, I've had friends and family call the house and my cell with messages of good wishes and happiness for his day. ALso bought Avenue Q tix for this weekend. SO excited! I have a few more surprises up my sleeves but until the day is done, I can't reveal. He reads this blog. :)

Baby, you ain't seen nothing yet!

As I said on my own FB:

A few years ago, he showed me friendship. Time passed & it became compassion when my heart hurt the worst. A bit more time & I returned the favor. I couldn't imagine my life without him now, without the laughter & love. Happy Birthday to a most incredible man!