To my son, with love

Twelve years ago at this time (1:45 pm CST) I was hooked up to monitors at a hospital 40 miles from home, listening to the steady thrum-thrum-thrum of a muffled heartbeat. Nurses periodically checked in on me, taking vitals, feeling for changes. (That one with the particularly large and knobby fingers was NOT welcome again after her first visit. I'm sorry, but NO woman should be subjected to that while in the throes of labor! Witch.) I had worked the day before, a Monday, feeling a bit worse for wear and achey. My husband at the time had had every one of his wisdom teeth removed that day and was loopy as a doormouse. I had gone to bed around 9, very tired and somehow knowing I wouldn't get much sleep for the next 40+ years. We weren't expecting this little bundle for five years but he decided the combination of antacids+ the Pill after too much tequila+ Mexican food on the Fourth of July was the perfect time to make an appearance.

At 3:30 am, the H got up to take his dose of painkillers. This was also the exact time I woke up, gripped my stomach and gasped. The constant Braxton-Hicks I had felt for several weeks was NOTHING compared to the tightening of my entire body and losing my breath in pain. Quickly remembering lamaze techniques, I went into laser-focused Feather mode. In crisis or extreme stress, my sense of clarity is crystal and I begin planning/implementation processes. I also tend to be a bit short with people. (No height jokes, thank you. Yes, I'm little. :-P) We hadn't quite planned for this little one to come two weeks early. I couldn't very well drive myself to the hospital in another city and neither could H since he was on painkillers. A quick call to a good friend had her at our house in a few minutes and on our way to be parents.

On the way to the hospital, I had the same sense of calm as when I recently married the Major. I breathed regularly thru each contraction and smiled, knowing I would soon hold a little bundle of awesome. Over the years, he's shown me how wrong I was. He's way more awesome than I can say. He reminds me so much of my dad, and not just because they have the same eyes and name. This incredibly talented and smart almost-man is as tall as I am with one of the kindest hearts I've ever come across. When the Major is TDY, the J-Meister takes his job of "man of the house" very seriously, watching out for his momma and little brother. His insight is scary sometimes. He knows if I'm not fully telling him the truth, if I'm trying to protect him from certain things. I swear he's like a sponge, absorbing all that life has to offer and learning everything in sight.

This morning, I kept a tradition alive my dad started with me and my sisters when we were little. I finally found a little mom and pop donut shop that made specialty donuts. Most of the shops around here have their donuts shipped in from a bakery. Sure, they may have been made late last night but they couldn't compare to the smell of baked goods wafting from that kitchen. The owner even made a special sprinkles and M&Ms one just for the birthday boy. The kid was stoked!

Sgt. Frog or Keroro Gunso
about an alien frog who tries
to take over the world...badly.

Now, his life is about to change and I'm so proud of how he's handling everything. Looking thru every website he can about Japan and Okinawa. Watching Japanese cartoons (which are HIGH-larious, dubbed in English, btw. They even thru in a "I'll have what Meg Ryan is having." joke!) and asking a million questions about how all of this affects him and his brother. He's an amazing boy and I'm so proud to be his mom.

Happy Birthday, my oldest! I can't thank God enough for putting you in my life!

Konnichiwaaaaa??

After the initial shock has been faced, and all our friends and family told the news of our impending move across the world, the stress has set in, but to a lesser degree. Granted, I've never lived anywhere but here in Oklahoma. Except that fun summer in the Allegheny Mountains at camp. But still. And the closest to being out of the country I've gone is  a week in Montreal for a conference and a few days in Barbados. Bless him, my husband at the time had the flu and that was supposed to be our honeymoon. I saw the ocean for the first time by myself while he languished in the humid hotel room with earaches and stuffy head.

This Italian/French honeymoon with the Major would have been the trip of a lifetime for me. Getting to finally seeing parts of the world I could usually only access thru the internet or by going thru his pictures. Now, I'm facing MOVING across the world. About 10,092 miles away, in fact. Away from my own family and friends. Of course, my boys have a bit of trepidation about it. They're gaining a stepdad plus face being in a new school again and trying to make new friends in a country where even the letters don't look familiar. I can understand that completely.

Not my kids but this reminds me of them.

I love my boys to pieces and would do anything for them. We had to think long and hard about getting married in the first place as this possibility of moving was there. Could I handle moving them? Could *they* handle it? New school, friends and way of life. And yet, they are strong little boys. Resilient and a bit willful, but absolute joys to be around. That's what makes it so hard for some people to let them go, to let them experience the wonders of the world, even at a tender age. I understand it. I really do. Only I'm lucky in that I get to experience it with them. I'm not a homebody. Never have been. I love having my roots somewhere and a place to go back to but I need to roam. The next few months will consist of lots of questions of and by my darling little ones, with some hard truths coming out on both sides. And I ache for them.

All I can do is pray to God for peace and understanding on either side of the coin and hope we all see what is truly good for them and not just for ourselves.

今日は, Alice. ワンダーランドへようこそ (Good day, Alice. Welcome to Wonderland.)

"Nothing is constant but change." - Heraclitus

Over the last two years, I thought the evolution of my life had changed me from a single celled organism to a complex, happy little cephalopod, shuffling along. In the next six months, I'm about to evolve again: into a wife, a stranger, a world traveler.

You see, Dec. 31, my love and my life proposed to me, surrounded by some of our friends and our kids (We wished it was all of them!) while we were in Taos. The landscape is beautiful, the snow plentiful and it was the start of an unexpected journey. I may be short and he may have Hobbit feet but what we didn't think of was the surprise Gandalf would deal us this past Friday.

We were just getting into a groove! The kids are doing extremely well in their new school, though they're both shy and don't quite know how to make friends. They're doing well in sports too. The Major was preparing to move to another squadron on base into a training position and life has been great. We had scheduled our wedding for June 22 with an Alice in Wonderland/Edwardian era themed wedding. I finally found my dream dress and had it ordered. Only the details of decorating and picking out the menu remained. Our wonderful friends were offering to help in various ways and we were looking forward to seeing some out of town family and friends all in our backyard. It would have been perfect.

Before the wedding, since the Major's son is graduating from the American University of Rome, we were also planning a "honeymoon" trip to see him with my kids. We're to be in Rome for a few days, then trek to EuroDisney for a few days and then leave the kids together in Rome while the Major and I went to Venice for a couple of days. The best trip in the world! Right? Everyone could be happy about seeing amazing places and we'd be together. I had started the passport process, thankfully.

After the wedding, I'd really learn what it was like being a military wife with access to healthcare and other things. I was already learning the lingo by doing lots of research and reading. And knowing what questions I could ask which would be answered. We'd be able to stay here for a couple more years at best and the world would be at ease.

Seems Uncle Sam and the Universe are conspiring.

In wonderful and scary ways. In six months, this will all drastically change and I'm praying it all works out for the best. For now, I'll leave you with the following to see what it is we'll actually be doing for the next three years.

We're moving to Kadena AB, Okinawa, Japan.

It's all too much to take in at once. We're pushing the wedding up to THIS SATURDAY with immediate family and a couple friends. We have to get paperwork started so that the kids and I are on the orders. Hoping to do a reception/going away/get rid of the booze because we can't take it with us party in May or June but as we don't know the exact order dates yet, that's hard to organize.

Check in regularly for updates as I plan to share the ups and downs (within reason). There are some delicate matters which will NOT be discussed in this or any other forum and I ask that mutual friends refrain from gossip and speculation, especially concerning the kids. All we ask is your patience and love.

Giggly Snort

So I live with my fiance now and very very soon we'll be marrying. It's so awesome how well we get along. So much so, that I've been giggling in my sleep. I didn't believe him until he posted this:

He is in so.much.trouble. My public shame= snorting when laughing too much.

Home, sweet, homey

My internet has been shoddy the last couple of days so when it's working, I'm working. No time to write for myself though the Blogger app works well enough.

Recouping from Seattle and still haven't downloading those bazillion pictures yet. However, I've managed to get the house in usable order again and we're decorating for Halloween! The Major's birthday is right around the holiday and he usually does a big party. He didn't get to last year so this year we're doing it out right! You should see the bags and bags of decorations. There are skulls and spider webs and candles everywhere and it's set to be glamorous spooky. Think Addams Family.

We also had a duct cleaning service come out today to clean out the vents and all I can say is GROSS! More than 2 gallons  (7.57 litres) of dust, dirt and grime. Blech! But at least it'll be cleaner for us and our guests.

Speaking of things I wanted to get done, I've pretty much finished the window seat dressings, as promised. Want to see?? Simply wrapped old pillows in the fabric and tucked it in. Reversible fabric is my friend!

Window #1 

Window #2

This fabric was used in BOTH windows!
It's reversible and the colors blend with either room.

I know. You're thrilled. :) I love decorating our house and making it a home. Love to the readers and hi to new folks in South Africa!

Giddiness becomes her...As does breathing.

I'm known for being a rather vibrant person. I laugh loudly and often and cry without fear. Sometimes a snap in anger though I'm much better at controlling it than I use to be. My music is a constant, either playing in the background or with me singing along, hopefully not off-key. I love color, even splashes or sparkles of it when wearing all black. Throwing open the curtains and shades first thing in the morning because of the sunlight. I use LOL and :) quite a bit in texts. Because I probably AM smiling and laughing out loud.

Lots of different textures now abound in our home, as visitors will attest, from velvets and satin to brushed cotton and rich, dark wood. They reflect the life and vitality seeping from our pores. Ruby reds, grassy greens, sapphire blues, pumpkin-y rusts. It's great when a home smells and looks good but much like people, it needs to be touched and FEEL good, to be LIVED in.

Can you tell I'm in a thoughtful and great mood? Maybe it's the excessive amounts of coffee I've poured down my gullet today. Most likely it's because I got word today that as of this writing, within 5 hours, the Major will be on his way home to me! YAAAAAAAYYYY!!!! Too much? Too bad. Communication has been minimum, at best, because of so many things and it was wonderful being able to see his face for 5 minutes finally on Skype the other day. As I told quebecokie, it felt like I could finally breathe, even for a few minutes, knowing for sure he was doing well.

So my music is turned up even more today. I'm dancing around in my office chair. I'm smiling a bit more, sighing less. It'll be a long while before he's home as he crosses an ocean and half a continent but it'll be sooner than I imagined.

Oh, crap. I was too busy to get the To-Do List finished!

(PS, *waves hi to new readers in Finland, Germany, Mexico, UK and Russia!)

Surreality is...

This is interesting. Weird. Lovely. Scary. Exactly what I've craved.

This living together, with my kids, in this house. Waking up every day next to each other. We hadn't done that except on trips. Now knowing that we will be seeing each other in all our glory and gory for as long as we can stand it. Excuse me while I clean out my eye-boogers before he wakes up.

I still have so much doubt that I'll live up to certain expectations, my own mainly. That, though I've managed to portray myself exactly as I am, I still won't be good enough. Because I really wasn't good enough before. Not according to some others' standards. Some insecurities are best left to children. But aren't we all just a bit child-like? No matter what anyone says, if you don't have SOME kind of doubts about yourself, or question your own motives and worry about what others think, then you're an egotistical douchebag. 


During my move into his house this weekend, I was overwhelmed. And more than a bit grumpy on a number of occasions from the sheer stress of it all. I tend to be shorter tempered than most when tired but kept myself under control. Then he'd crack a joke, I'd laugh or merely smirk at the absurdity and keep going. My mom was stunned at how neither of us snapped at each other and we just seemed happy instead of strained. Our house is a mess, boxes everywhere; I have no idea where anything is. Each box seems to have a surprise in it. And that bothers me. The clutter is causing me to have OCD and I may become a crack fiend to calm my nerves. I still have work to accomplish for clients and way too much to pack before we go on vacation tomorrow. IF I can find where I put our clothes and camping gear. 


It's a lot to absorb for all of us. So much change. So little time to adjust.

He'll have to get use to me laughing a bit too loud and finding my hairballs laying around, to being a stickler for manners and having a clutter free house. And to get use to having children in his house again.

I'll have to get use to him being a procrastinator and paper hoarder, to having a penchant for riling my kids up before bedtime, and the weird sleeping positions he has that look entirely too uncomfortable.

We'll both adjust to the eccentricities of our mothers, bless them both. To our siblings and their opinionated thoughts on our living situation and the ways of our relationship.

A family isn't perfect. We will never profess to be so. That frailty and fallibility is the most beautiful part of being human. Neither of us is perfect and I wouldn't have it any other way.

CLEAN ALL THE THINGS!

While cleaning the smog of rumors in my professional airspace, I'm cleaning up our house to be more presentable while I move in. It's a big job, what with this house being huge. We'll definitely have to have a garage sale! The scorching temps in the 100s don't bother me half as much since we have a pool to cool off in too. Now if the Major can just hurry on HOME.

Life is good, my friends. VERY good.