Objects in mirror are not what they appear

Holy cow, what a summer. And what a glorious life I'm living. Yes, I'm going to brag just a little. It's healthy to be happy, dammit!

We've all made it to Okinawa after a July from hell where I nearly die from a diseased gallbladder and abscesses, where the Major flies back on emergency leave to literally save my life by helping me stabilize enough to get out of ICU, and then help me hobble around with a stomach stent in my chest to drain out the infection. (Bleargh). After we survive August with a horrendous flight from Seattle to Okinawa in a cramped and screaming-baby-filled airplane for 18 cruel hours. Though the boys liked Seattle and we spent some amazing time with friends Ken and Kelly and Heather! (Thanks for the hospitality, lovelies!) I showed the boys all my favorite places and they still talk about it.

We are here and loving it! The boys are able to talk to their family back in Oklahoma almost every day and I'm glad of it. (Thank you, Facetime and Vonage!) They are doing well here though there are adjustments. The oldest is in a more challenging school and though a middle schooler, is taking two high school level classes. He puts a lot of stress on himself, unfortunately, and is too much like his mama in being the perfectionist. Being with friends is helping him though. SOOO much better than last year when he struggled to fit in and couldn't make friends.

The youngest has taken to the place like he's never lived anywhere else. It's amazing to me. He's grown two inches and gained at least five pounds on his skinny frame. He's now reading books like the Harry Potter series and I can barely get him inside until it's dark outside. A group of boys his age keeps him busy.

The house is nearly unpacked after three weeks. I can't believe how well it's coming along! I'm so OCD about it and want it done two weeks ago but it's not realistic. I'll be lucky to get pictures up in three weeks and I'm almost okay with that.

I just want it to feel like home. For me, for the Major, for the boys. And we've almost succeeded.

For me, I'm keeping a positive attitude. There are those who criticize, who've called me selfish, mean and can't understand "why I would take the boys away from their family and friends." Sorry, but it's an opportunity for them to grow outside that small-town mentality. To see the world and the people in it. To have their eyes opened but still have roots. Because they deserve to see the beauty of the world and LIVE it, not just visit it.

I'm keeping it positive for myself as well. There are too many horror stories of spouses who never leave base in their egocentricity. Who mock and demean everything different about their host country, simply because it isn't like home. Isn't like America. Isn't like their rose-colored vision of small town USA. I've found amazing people here.

This is an actual sunset I saw on Sunday at Araha Beach, Okinawa. ©

Seen the most gorgeous sunsets I could imagine. Learned to drive on the opposite (NOT the wrong-) side of the street in a tiny car down streets I can't pronounce much less read the letters to which make up their names. I've felt a sense of accomplishment, of growth, of expansion into a greater self. And I was scared shitless the whole time. No, really. I got a stomach-ache later that day from venturing out into unknown traffic, buying produce in a store where no one spoke English using strange currency, and still managed to make it home.

Only once have I broken down, sobbing, missing my friends and family more than I could bare. Watching my nieces and nephew grow from so far away is hard. I can't just go to my mom or my best friends and have a hug because I need it. And I'm not good enough friends with folks here to do that. I've been so busy setting up house and running around with the family, I've lost more weight. I don't recognize myself as the chubby bunny anymore and it's weird. I have a bit of homesickness but it isn't something to dwell on. It's natural and I get melancholy sometimes. (Meg knows what I mean.) I have the most amazing friends and I just remember that I'm adding to that bunch. The spouses group here is so fun and I'm learning the lingo. The Air Force Ball, which I FINALLY get to go to!, is this Saturday. And I'm going to have a grand time with my love. I'm keeping this face because the mask is off.

I'm happy and nothing can break me down. 

Transplantation takes care

I haven't written for the last month as I wanted to concentrate on issues close to home and telling the world about my problems is too public. My social media interactions are already being monitored by well-meaning but misinformed people who would love to twist my every post. At the least, I hope I've been entertaining for them. At worst, boring, so they'll stop.

Life. It's finally going somewhere. That first somewhere is Italy.

The Major and I had thought about a trip to Rome to see his oldest son graduate from a university there before the planned wedding in June. As those plans were drastically changed , we've decided to make it a honeymoon instead! Very soon, we'll be on a plane crossing the Atlantic and I'm excited-scared-giddy-worried. The closest I've been to out of country is Montreal, Canada, and the island of Barbados. Not exactly foreign. In Montreal, I was alone at a conference, and though it's a great place, it's not quite as fun without someone to share the experience of travel. My ex and I went to Barbados for our honeymoon but he got the flu the night before we flew out and stayed in the room most of the time. I saw the beauty of the ocean for the first time in my life while he languished in the hotel. I spent the majority of the trip, once again, alone.

THIS time, the Major and I will be seeing Rome, Ferrara, Venice and Florence together. Super romantic! I'll save you the mush-talk, though I may post a few pics later. Not THOSE kinds of pics. Sick people.

The second somewhere is DisneyWorld!

We had promised the boys a return trip there that they could actually remember. The last time, we went with my ex, sisters and parents and bro-in-law just before my dad died of pancreatic cancer. It was a disaster at first with the airline misplacing my dad's luggage with his chemo meds in it, late and missed flights because of storms that morning and every single person in our group getting airsick and puking from turbulence. But it ended on a beautiful note. My Daddy-O, determined to have a great time, wanted to ride every single ride he could. And he DID, saying, "I already know what will kill me. I might as well have fun!" The sound of his laughter and cheering on that crazy roller coaster still rings in my ears.

The third somewhere, ultimately, is Okinawa.

As some of you might know, we've had a bit of custody issue on whether the boys can go with us. In the midst of all the moving and paperwork required for the military plus me having hernia surgery, we've been going to court. Their wishes were that they WANT to go, so the judge is at least honoring those wishes; allowing them with us the first semester of school and we'll revisit the case when we come back at Christmas. Here's where I'm supposed to stay quiet about all of it, though I'd love to clear the air of some misconceptions old friends seem to have but haven't bothered to ask me directly about. Just know the Major and I will be keeping all the promises we made from the beginning to have the boys keep in touch with their family and friends here.

So until the move itself next month, we're planning for some fun times first. Lots of love and laughter together as a little family, wishing the Major's boys could be with us too. It's time to move forward in life. To grow and change together and not stagnate. Roses may have thorns but they deserve lots of sunshine.

To my son, with love

Twelve years ago at this time (1:45 pm CST) I was hooked up to monitors at a hospital 40 miles from home, listening to the steady thrum-thrum-thrum of a muffled heartbeat. Nurses periodically checked in on me, taking vitals, feeling for changes. (That one with the particularly large and knobby fingers was NOT welcome again after her first visit. I'm sorry, but NO woman should be subjected to that while in the throes of labor! Witch.) I had worked the day before, a Monday, feeling a bit worse for wear and achey. My husband at the time had had every one of his wisdom teeth removed that day and was loopy as a doormouse. I had gone to bed around 9, very tired and somehow knowing I wouldn't get much sleep for the next 40+ years. We weren't expecting this little bundle for five years but he decided the combination of antacids+ the Pill after too much tequila+ Mexican food on the Fourth of July was the perfect time to make an appearance.

At 3:30 am, the H got up to take his dose of painkillers. This was also the exact time I woke up, gripped my stomach and gasped. The constant Braxton-Hicks I had felt for several weeks was NOTHING compared to the tightening of my entire body and losing my breath in pain. Quickly remembering lamaze techniques, I went into laser-focused Feather mode. In crisis or extreme stress, my sense of clarity is crystal and I begin planning/implementation processes. I also tend to be a bit short with people. (No height jokes, thank you. Yes, I'm little. :-P) We hadn't quite planned for this little one to come two weeks early. I couldn't very well drive myself to the hospital in another city and neither could H since he was on painkillers. A quick call to a good friend had her at our house in a few minutes and on our way to be parents.

On the way to the hospital, I had the same sense of calm as when I recently married the Major. I breathed regularly thru each contraction and smiled, knowing I would soon hold a little bundle of awesome. Over the years, he's shown me how wrong I was. He's way more awesome than I can say. He reminds me so much of my dad, and not just because they have the same eyes and name. This incredibly talented and smart almost-man is as tall as I am with one of the kindest hearts I've ever come across. When the Major is TDY, the J-Meister takes his job of "man of the house" very seriously, watching out for his momma and little brother. His insight is scary sometimes. He knows if I'm not fully telling him the truth, if I'm trying to protect him from certain things. I swear he's like a sponge, absorbing all that life has to offer and learning everything in sight.

This morning, I kept a tradition alive my dad started with me and my sisters when we were little. I finally found a little mom and pop donut shop that made specialty donuts. Most of the shops around here have their donuts shipped in from a bakery. Sure, they may have been made late last night but they couldn't compare to the smell of baked goods wafting from that kitchen. The owner even made a special sprinkles and M&Ms one just for the birthday boy. The kid was stoked!

Sgt. Frog or Keroro Gunso
about an alien frog who tries
to take over the world...badly.

Now, his life is about to change and I'm so proud of how he's handling everything. Looking thru every website he can about Japan and Okinawa. Watching Japanese cartoons (which are HIGH-larious, dubbed in English, btw. They even thru in a "I'll have what Meg Ryan is having." joke!) and asking a million questions about how all of this affects him and his brother. He's an amazing boy and I'm so proud to be his mom.

Happy Birthday, my oldest! I can't thank God enough for putting you in my life!

Lanternalia

When I first started planning a wedding months ago before our actual engagement (hey, a girl was hopeful!), I began a few Pinterest boards. (Almost 1,600 followers as of this writing! Holy COW!) I had an affinity for Alice in Wonderland as a theme because the Major was so much the Mad Hatter. Quirky, funny and at times a bit off his rocker. But that suited me perfectly. And of course, when Downton Abbey came along, I was hooked into the Edwardian time period. Since that's when Lewis Carroll began his classic tome, combining the themes would be the ideal wedding. Classy and fun. As we know, the USAF had other plans, which the Major made incredible with a surprise flashmob wedding, with our own unique wedding vows.

But I didn't necessarily want it so lavish it would break the bank. After all, the Major and I would be paying for it all. Gathering our resources in friends and family, I scoured books, websites and picked the brains of loved ones for fun, inexpensive ways to pull this off. We had set it for our backyard and I began treating the grass, pulling a scrabbly heather-like weed out of the yard whenever possible, cutting back dead tree branches, planting, etc. Anne and I browsed thrift shops for old china dishes and teacups to use as placewear for the reception, which we had pared down to about 75 people. (Most cups were about 66 cents with plates upwards of $1.21 depending on wear) The checkered dance floor would go here, the croquet court (complete with flamingo yard ornaments!) over there and the Cheshire Cat DIY photobooth under the trees there. Even a Caterpillar Lounge with hookah water pipes on the patio covered with a tent for cocktail hour. At most, I was shooting for spending about $2,500, which is pretty damn cheap for a backyard wedding.

I began making paper lanterns to hang in the trees, for a whimsical look, with a bunch of old scrap paper I had, tied together with ribbon. The concept was easy:

Materials: Scissors, ruler, scrapbook paper (medium thickness or velum), glue gun and sticks, tape, paper plate, ribbon, lace or strips of old cloth.

1. Cut a hole in a small, sturdy paper plate.

2. Cut strips of square scrapbook paper into 1 1/4 inches wide, yielding about 15-20 strips per page. Cut each strip in half for multiple loops; leave uncut for longer lanterns.
3. (Save about 10-15 half strips for step 5, without looping them.) Connect strips end to end using Scotch tape or staples into loops. I found it made the lantern lighter when I used tape. Alternate patterns of loops for a mismatched look but keeping in the same color scheme.

4. Hot glue each loop to the next, about a fourth of the way down, adding loops to get the length of the lantern you want.

5. Make loops like the others in Step 3, wrapping them around the plate circle you made in Step 1. However many it takes to fill up the circle is how many loop strands you'll make. Glue loop strands to the ends of these. Allow to dry completely, laying flat.

6. Thread a piece of ribbon, lace or piece of cloth thru the bottom ends, tying the piece into a bow. Add a ribbon to the plate to attach to lights, trees, etc. Ta-DA!

Here is a finished lantern. Since we're moving though, I'll just have to pack it flat and bring back out for parties once we get to Okinawa. I still plan on having the Alice in Wonderland party but it looks like May or June, just before the Major leaves. We have to have the movers in before that happens. Anyone have a spare couch or bedroom I can crash for a couple months? :)

The Sorting Hat

Why can't I just have a giant Sorting Hat like in Harry Potter that goes over the house and magically tells me where everything goes?
"These things in the Hufflepuff long term storage pile."
"These things in the Gryffindor immediate household goods pile."
"These in the Slytherin you-may-not-see-them-for-months-because-military-shipping pile."

My oldest son has one that the Major brought from DisneyWorld for him but it's not nearly big enough. This is a fairly large house and with four of us in it, we have too much stuff. My goal over the next couple of weeks is to pare it down much more. From furniture to pageant clothes, an iphone and old wedding ring, to a myriad of toys and collectibles I've never shown, I want these things GONE. Out of sight. Sold. Vanished. Most of the stuff in the house seems to be the Major's, minor packrat that he is. Only thing is, we USE everything we have. The six tubs of party goods will definitely need some readjusting. I can't bear to be without our Christmas stuff because the boys will be spending the holiday with their dad over the next three years. But I would still like to decorate our house on the island to feel like home until they leave.

https://www.militarykidsconnect.org/

And why can't there be a Sorting Hat to work thru feelings? As we work custody out with their dad, this is my hopeful plan. It's a readjustment for everyone. I can only hope the changes are helping my kids be more flexible and accepting, opening their minds to all the possibility that world travel opportunities have in store. There are fantastic resources out there and I'm implementing as many as I can to help them thru the transition. Military Kids Connect has a little avatar so younger kids can keep track of their travels with a stamp, coping skills for older kids and even Military 101 for newcomers to learn the lingo. I've been Googling like crazy finding sites for making moving easier. Frankly, some of these sites would probably help me too!

How about a Sorting Hat to go thru the bajillion things that have to be done before the move? Not to mention our trip to Europe in the big middle of it all! (Crap, I nearly forgot about that!) There aren't enough hours in the day to keep the house running somewhat smoothly and normally while also preparing for this worldwide change. Physically and emotionally, it'll be a challenge. You'll notice I'm refraining from negative connotations? I'm determined to be positive about this thru the long haul. After all, I'm moving somewhere exciting (lots of people who've been there before us RAVE about it!) and I'm doing this with my best friend and love and my boys by my side!

For now though, if you're friend or family and plan to come over, either excuse the mess or pitch in and help. Imma need a LOT of it. ;)

Wedding of the century (Part 1)

(Seriously, there's so much awesome to this wedding, it needs a couple of posts to keep from being tl;dr)

Saturday, Feb. 23, 2013 started off beautifully. Smooshed between two snow/ice filled days, the day was a bit brisk but very sunny and warmed up with very little wind. I was surprisingly relaxed, waking up next to the Major as we talked about the things we needed to do before the wedding. My dress STILL did not arrive (in fact, it came in Monday night. It may soon be for sale. Watch for postings.), but the dress we had worked well, especially with the new purple heels my girls Anne and Jessica helped me pick out. I put the finishing touches on my flower/brooch bouquet with brooches from my grandmothers, great aunts, mom and friends. Isn't it pretty?

The Major vacuumed a bit and we picked up around the house since my family was coming over. Frankly, we are such an old married couple attuned to each other's needs. Though the last week was a difficult one full of tears, fears and disappointment, we tried to focus on the positive. This was our wedding day!! He left for several hours and I relaxed, gradually starting the process of getting
ready, which kicked into high gear when my girlfriends arrived. But it seemed something was up. Strange texts from my MOM and the photog to my MoH. Earlier in the day, the Major washing random china pieces bought for the wedding party in June. I racked it up to nerves because it was just a weird thing to do. After spreading glitter all over the known universe, I was finally ready to go, sharing a few happy tears with my girls and plenty of laughs, coffee and chocolate. They went on ahead while I traveled with my mom and her fiance. (She had the most fabulous deep purple hat in keeping with my desire for a fun wedding.) I had quite a bit of excitement in the car but I was still calm, reflecting on the man waiting ahead of me with my sons. Today wasn't about what I was wearing or who would be there but just on the fact I would be married to this man who loved me.

After parking and as we walked up to the Myriad Gardens where we were meet the few family and friends, I saw another friend filming us with his iPad. I hadn't invited him and became a bit suspicious. Hmmmmm. The wedding was supposed to be small. Anne's boyfriend Isaac then came out filming us, wearing purple as well and a super cool top hat! My mom led us around the side and knowing there wasn't an easy entrance there, I asked about it. And then I saw the people. Dozens of people peering over the side of the waterstage amphitheatre at whatever was going on below. Music was playing and there were purple balloons and ribbons in the trees.

We stopped at the top of the stairs and I see about 60 or so people dancing to my favorite song that gets me thru the hard times, Dog Days are Over!! Every person, including children, is wearing a hat! My kids have little top hats on too! In the middle of this craziness is the most wonderful man in the world who had organized a Mad Hatter Tea Party wedding flashmob, in just a week's time. He had called all my family and as many friends as possible, organizing a secret Facebook group where they could plan it all! The teacups he had washed that morning were stacked around the edge of the waterstage, 100 tea flavored cupcakes made by my sister with potluck picnic lunch for attendees and unending JOY. I stood in shock as I spotted the Major dancing next to his best man who had secretly flown in from Boston that morning. My mom pulled me down the stairs and people were cheering like crazy! I couldn't get down the stairs and to the Major fast enough. My words to her were: "I know you were walking me down the aisle but can I go by myself? I just HAVE to get to that man down there! I gotta get to that man!!" I flew as fast as my three inch heels could carry me, launching myself at him and kissing him. I couldn't believe he did all of this! We have the most amazing friends who participated EVER!

Thank you to all of those who came to our wedding and celebrated with us. Thank you to Sara, our awesome officiant. Thank you to my wonderful family!!

We love you!!
(Continued with the vows later and we're making a kickass Youtube video!)

The Caged Bird Sings Happy Birthday

Today is my birthday. I'm not bashful in saying I'm two years shy of 40 and I look fabulous! This morning, the Major and the boys got up early, went to buy donuts for me and surprised me with breakfast in bed. Noms topped with birthday candles! We sat on the bed and ate the sugary deliciousness until it was time for school. The youngest had crawled into bed with me to snuggle for a few minutes alone first, telling me "Now you're 21!" He's been especially snuggly recently, what with all the craziness going on. I'll take what I can get as he'll soon be too big to want to be a snuggle bunny. :(

Tonight, we're celebrating and saying goodbye to good friends Sophia and Matt who are moving to San Fran. I still hope there's cake. Tomorrow, I get the BEST present I could possibly want though. I get to marry the man it seems I've waited forever for. Like everyone else led up to him. The rush up to the wedding and the worry about everything complicated about the move to Japan have had me on the verge of tears and hysteria for the last week. Then I get the bad news late last night that the tailor who made my dress, who had PROMISED it would be here either yesterday or today, didn't send it until last night. Le sigh Sent me into a crying mess of ick. Not quite Bridezilla, thankfully.

The birdcage headpiece I made for tomorrow.

Sure, I know it's just trappings and frills. But this was my Dream dress. When I got married the first time, I was young, impetuous and living in a fantasy world. My mom, who got married far too early (thanks to me), didn't get to have a large wedding so I agreed to just about everything she suggested for our wedding, only insisting on the colors I wanted. And it was gorgeous! Truly a beautiful ceremony and reception for 450 people. Yes, there really were that many invited. I don't begrudge her that at all. But the dress style of the time was poof, pearls and padding. I rivaled Lady Di in her regalia.

As I stated above, I'm nearing 40, I'm a woman who knows what she wants and I want the pared down classiness instead of the pomp and circumstance. Though what I had been planning for June WAS going to be fan-freaking-tastic! Maybe it's some selfishness. But a woman is entitled to want to look and feel her absolute best on her wedding day. The secondary dress we bought the other day isn't quite what I want but it'll do. Because tomorrow, I wed the Major, my best friend, my lover, the one person in this world who truly understands and loves me for all my flaws. He thinks I'm beautiful when I'm blubbering incoherently in my pajamas. So I'll make the most of tomorrow. I'll buy some amazing and colorful new shoegasms (because what outfit is complete without them?), see my family and many of our friends at dinner at a local Japanese restaurant and live and love.

That's what it's about. Year after year, getting older, wiser and happier. Yes, 38 will be the year of change and amazeballs discovery! Bring it on, Life!!

Major, Biggun and Bunny, I love you three with all my heart. Thank you for being in my life. 

Konnichiwaaaaa??

After the initial shock has been faced, and all our friends and family told the news of our impending move across the world, the stress has set in, but to a lesser degree. Granted, I've never lived anywhere but here in Oklahoma. Except that fun summer in the Allegheny Mountains at camp. But still. And the closest to being out of the country I've gone is  a week in Montreal for a conference and a few days in Barbados. Bless him, my husband at the time had the flu and that was supposed to be our honeymoon. I saw the ocean for the first time by myself while he languished in the humid hotel room with earaches and stuffy head.

This Italian/French honeymoon with the Major would have been the trip of a lifetime for me. Getting to finally seeing parts of the world I could usually only access thru the internet or by going thru his pictures. Now, I'm facing MOVING across the world. About 10,092 miles away, in fact. Away from my own family and friends. Of course, my boys have a bit of trepidation about it. They're gaining a stepdad plus face being in a new school again and trying to make new friends in a country where even the letters don't look familiar. I can understand that completely.

Not my kids but this reminds me of them.

I love my boys to pieces and would do anything for them. We had to think long and hard about getting married in the first place as this possibility of moving was there. Could I handle moving them? Could *they* handle it? New school, friends and way of life. And yet, they are strong little boys. Resilient and a bit willful, but absolute joys to be around. That's what makes it so hard for some people to let them go, to let them experience the wonders of the world, even at a tender age. I understand it. I really do. Only I'm lucky in that I get to experience it with them. I'm not a homebody. Never have been. I love having my roots somewhere and a place to go back to but I need to roam. The next few months will consist of lots of questions of and by my darling little ones, with some hard truths coming out on both sides. And I ache for them.

All I can do is pray to God for peace and understanding on either side of the coin and hope we all see what is truly good for them and not just for ourselves.

今日は, Alice. ワンダーランドへようこそ (Good day, Alice. Welcome to Wonderland.)

"Nothing is constant but change." - Heraclitus

Over the last two years, I thought the evolution of my life had changed me from a single celled organism to a complex, happy little cephalopod, shuffling along. In the next six months, I'm about to evolve again: into a wife, a stranger, a world traveler.

You see, Dec. 31, my love and my life proposed to me, surrounded by some of our friends and our kids (We wished it was all of them!) while we were in Taos. The landscape is beautiful, the snow plentiful and it was the start of an unexpected journey. I may be short and he may have Hobbit feet but what we didn't think of was the surprise Gandalf would deal us this past Friday.

We were just getting into a groove! The kids are doing extremely well in their new school, though they're both shy and don't quite know how to make friends. They're doing well in sports too. The Major was preparing to move to another squadron on base into a training position and life has been great. We had scheduled our wedding for June 22 with an Alice in Wonderland/Edwardian era themed wedding. I finally found my dream dress and had it ordered. Only the details of decorating and picking out the menu remained. Our wonderful friends were offering to help in various ways and we were looking forward to seeing some out of town family and friends all in our backyard. It would have been perfect.

Before the wedding, since the Major's son is graduating from the American University of Rome, we were also planning a "honeymoon" trip to see him with my kids. We're to be in Rome for a few days, then trek to EuroDisney for a few days and then leave the kids together in Rome while the Major and I went to Venice for a couple of days. The best trip in the world! Right? Everyone could be happy about seeing amazing places and we'd be together. I had started the passport process, thankfully.

After the wedding, I'd really learn what it was like being a military wife with access to healthcare and other things. I was already learning the lingo by doing lots of research and reading. And knowing what questions I could ask which would be answered. We'd be able to stay here for a couple more years at best and the world would be at ease.

Seems Uncle Sam and the Universe are conspiring.

In wonderful and scary ways. In six months, this will all drastically change and I'm praying it all works out for the best. For now, I'll leave you with the following to see what it is we'll actually be doing for the next three years.

We're moving to Kadena AB, Okinawa, Japan.

It's all too much to take in at once. We're pushing the wedding up to THIS SATURDAY with immediate family and a couple friends. We have to get paperwork started so that the kids and I are on the orders. Hoping to do a reception/going away/get rid of the booze because we can't take it with us party in May or June but as we don't know the exact order dates yet, that's hard to organize.

Check in regularly for updates as I plan to share the ups and downs (within reason). There are some delicate matters which will NOT be discussed in this or any other forum and I ask that mutual friends refrain from gossip and speculation, especially concerning the kids. All we ask is your patience and love.