Letter to a Bully's Parent

After yet another child died from bullying, I'm inclined to have certain thoughts, God forgive me, about the parents of these bullies. Please allow me this rant for a few minutes because I'm heartbroken.

Undear Parent of a Bully,




















You may just be the reason your poor child has taken it on him/herself to pick on someone else for their appearance/race/gender/sexual preference/beliefs. Were YOU possibly the victim of such a vicious circle of hate as a child that you've passed it down to your own offspring? Because surely you would have seen the signs. Some kids are confident but some are just arrogant. Do you mess with the head of your own kid at home, thinking it'll make them tougher in life, or tell them they don't amount to anything, etc? This is wrong. On so many levels. You were given a child to love, protect, teach and be proud of, NOT belittle, taunt, disrespect and hurt. I've told my own boys that your kids may need some understanding. That your kids' life needs improvement because home sucks for them, for whatever reason. Your kids feel powerless against the misfortunes of life. Unfortunately, your kids don't really know the meaning of love and can't absorb compassion. So they strike back at mine when my boys offer friendship.

I've seen and heard grown women with the mentality of a classic Mean Girl continue a tirade against another woman and her son simply because the other woman's child was a bit younger and not quite to the level in sports that their sons were. And these same women professed to be Christian every Sunday churchgoers. It's no wonder other cultures/religions/atheists look down on Christians when YOU are the example they see. I've also seen grown men manipulate others thru guilt and intimidation to do their bidding. Your kids are sponges and WILL pick up on the subtleties, whether you think they will or not. They take those controlling influences to the playground.

You should be ashamed of yourself and held JUST as responsible for the death of a bullied kid as your children who beat/teased to death that precious child. I'm sick and tired of hearing another sad story in the news because you can't seem to be a grown up and teach your child the meanings of right and wrong. Parent of a bully, you SUCK. But I still love you and hope you can change.

Sincerely, 
Fed up Featherann

Sometimes, you just need a musical interlude in your life. And sometimes, that includes mashing some bubblegum pop with some metal. Oh, say like NIN's 'Head Like a Hole' mashed with 'Call Me Maybe'. Admit it. You danced in your seat a little. ;)

Welcome to new readers in New Zealand and Australia (I'm going to visit there soon after we move to Okinawa!), India and the Netherlands! 

Wedding of the century (Part deux)

I promised an extension of Wedding of the century (Part 1) so read it first before reading more!

Still getting over the shock of being married again and having been part of the fantastic flashmob! It's all happened so fast and now I officially belong to the military after getting my ID card and signed away my life for insurance and other things. The following are the vows the Major and I wrote together. Feel free to laugh, cry, whatever. We sure did!

The Major directing festivities as always.

The party dancing on my arrival!

SARA:  Mawwage... Mawwage is wot bwings us toogevver tooday. [This got a big laugh from the audience.]

I apologize.  J and H have clearly seen the Princess Bride one too many times, and they insisted we had to start that way.  But, if you know these two well, then that sort of thing should come as no surprise, for J and H are a couple who clearly always find ways to have fun with everything that they do.  It was this common spirit of playfulness and fun that first attracted them to one another, finally leading up to this blessed day, a day on which we are all now privileged to witness and participate in a ceremony celebrating the public acknowledgment of the love that J and H have for each other.  And, by our presence here with them, we confirm that they, together, are loved by many others.  We have come to surround them as they stand before us, where J and H in essence now say, “Welcome to our marriage!  Welcome to the celebration!”

To demonstrate the depth of their feelings for one another, J and H have each chosen a poem that, for them, captures their feelings on this day.

(The Major quoted this to me.)

She Walks In Beauty

By:  Lord Byron

She walks in beauty, like the night
Of cloudless climes and starry skies;
And all that's best of dark and bright
Meet in her aspect and her eyes:
Thus mellowed to that tender light
Which heaven to gaudy day denies.

One shade the more, one ray the less,
Had half impaired the nameless grace
Which waves in every raven tress,
Or softly lightens o'er her face;
Where thoughts serenely sweet express,
How pure, how dear their dwelling-place.

And on that cheek, and o'er that brow,
So soft, so calm, yet eloquent,
The smiles that win, the tints that glow,
But tell of days in goodness spent,
A mind at peace with all below,
A heart whose love is innocent!

(I read this to him)
Sonnet 12 - Indeed this very love which is my boast
By:  Elizabeth Barrett Browning

Indeed this very love which is my boast,
And which, when rising up from breast to brow,
Doth crown me with a ruby large enow
To draw men's eyes and prove the inner cost,—
This love even, all my worth, to the uttermost,
I should not love withal, unless that thou
Hadst set me an example, shown me how,
When first thine earnest eyes with mine were crossed,
And love called love. And thus, I cannot speak
Of love even, as a good thing of my own:
Thy soul hath snatched up mine all faint and weak,
And placed it by thee on a golden throne,—
And that I love (O soul, we must be meek!)
Is by thee only, whom I love alone.

SARA:  And now, having poetically expressed the depths of their affection for one another, J and H will share the wedding vows that they have written together.
J: I promise to always clearly explain my expectations rather than forcing you to guess at them and then getting angry when you’ve guessed wrong.  Do you promise the same? 
H: I do.  I promise to be a dreamer who ACTS on those dreams and includes you in them.  Do you promise the same? 
J: I do.  I promise not to play the blame game or to keep score, even if I am totally winning.  Do you promise the same?
H: I do.  I promise to keep the peace in our home with honest and open communication, even when my claws want to come out.  Do you promise the same?
J:  I do.  I promise to defend you against the slings and arrows of others, even when you’re wrong.  Do you promise the same?
H: I do.  I promise to always be myself, even if that means growing and changing with you.  Do you promise the same? 
J:  I do.  I promise to give you the benefit of the doubt and always listen to your side of the story before I yell at you.  Do you promise the same?
H:  I do.  I promise not to let my butt get bigger than it is right now, because staying healthy and fit means living a longer lifetime with you.  Do you promise the same? 
J:  I do.  I promise to make you laugh every single day, whether intentionally or not.  Do you promise the same?
H:  I do.  I promise that when I’m really angry with you I will shut my mouth, count to as high a number as necessary until I’m calm, and then come back to talk things over with you when we’re both rational.  Do you promise the same? 
J:  I do.  I promise to do the things that neither of us wants to do, if you really don’t want to do it more than I don’t want to do it.  Do you promise the same? 
H:  I do.  I promise not to promise something and then do something completely different.  Do you promise the same?
J:  I do.  I promise to show you every single day that you are loved and appreciated.  Do you promise the same?
H:  I do.  I promise to always keep you pleasantly surprised, even when you outdo me!  Do you promise the same?
J:  I do.  I promise to resolve our differences in private and never in public or in front of the children.  Do you promise the same?
H:  I do.  I promise never to take you for granted.  Do you promise the same? 
J:  I do.  I promise never to make you read any of the Twilight novels or to see any of those awful movies, or any movies featuring emo vampires that sparkle like a My Little Pony.  Do you promise the same?
H: I definitely do!

SARA:  The rings please.  [Best Man / MoH produce the rings.]  

You have for each other these special rings – symbols that love is the most precious element in your life together. A ring has no beginning and no ending, symbolizing that the love between you will never cease. You place these rings upon each others fingers as a visible sign of your vows this day, making you husband and wife.  

J:  With this ring, I thee wed.

H:  With this ring, I thee wed.

SARA:  In the honesty and sincerity of what you have said and done here today, and in accordance with the laws of the state of Oklahoma, it is my honor and delight to declare you husband and wife.  You may now kiss the bride, and never ever stop.

Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. & Mrs.!

Thank you everyone for joining us here today.  As everyone but Heather already knows, there will be a picnic reception immediately following the ceremony. So, let the wild rumpus start!

(Thanks to Brandi for these awesome shots!)

今日は, Alice. ワンダーランドへようこそ (Good day, Alice. Welcome to Wonderland.)

"Nothing is constant but change." - Heraclitus

Over the last two years, I thought the evolution of my life had changed me from a single celled organism to a complex, happy little cephalopod, shuffling along. In the next six months, I'm about to evolve again: into a wife, a stranger, a world traveler.

You see, Dec. 31, my love and my life proposed to me, surrounded by some of our friends and our kids (We wished it was all of them!) while we were in Taos. The landscape is beautiful, the snow plentiful and it was the start of an unexpected journey. I may be short and he may have Hobbit feet but what we didn't think of was the surprise Gandalf would deal us this past Friday.

We were just getting into a groove! The kids are doing extremely well in their new school, though they're both shy and don't quite know how to make friends. They're doing well in sports too. The Major was preparing to move to another squadron on base into a training position and life has been great. We had scheduled our wedding for June 22 with an Alice in Wonderland/Edwardian era themed wedding. I finally found my dream dress and had it ordered. Only the details of decorating and picking out the menu remained. Our wonderful friends were offering to help in various ways and we were looking forward to seeing some out of town family and friends all in our backyard. It would have been perfect.

Before the wedding, since the Major's son is graduating from the American University of Rome, we were also planning a "honeymoon" trip to see him with my kids. We're to be in Rome for a few days, then trek to EuroDisney for a few days and then leave the kids together in Rome while the Major and I went to Venice for a couple of days. The best trip in the world! Right? Everyone could be happy about seeing amazing places and we'd be together. I had started the passport process, thankfully.

After the wedding, I'd really learn what it was like being a military wife with access to healthcare and other things. I was already learning the lingo by doing lots of research and reading. And knowing what questions I could ask which would be answered. We'd be able to stay here for a couple more years at best and the world would be at ease.

Seems Uncle Sam and the Universe are conspiring.

In wonderful and scary ways. In six months, this will all drastically change and I'm praying it all works out for the best. For now, I'll leave you with the following to see what it is we'll actually be doing for the next three years.

We're moving to Kadena AB, Okinawa, Japan.

It's all too much to take in at once. We're pushing the wedding up to THIS SATURDAY with immediate family and a couple friends. We have to get paperwork started so that the kids and I are on the orders. Hoping to do a reception/going away/get rid of the booze because we can't take it with us party in May or June but as we don't know the exact order dates yet, that's hard to organize.

Check in regularly for updates as I plan to share the ups and downs (within reason). There are some delicate matters which will NOT be discussed in this or any other forum and I ask that mutual friends refrain from gossip and speculation, especially concerning the kids. All we ask is your patience and love.

Giggly Snort

So I live with my fiance now and very very soon we'll be marrying. It's so awesome how well we get along. So much so, that I've been giggling in my sleep. I didn't believe him until he posted this:

He is in so.much.trouble. My public shame= snorting when laughing too much.

What's love got to do with it?

*Warning: you may be offended

I cried today. A happy cry because of all the love in my life and a bittersweet cry bemoaning that I couldn't share that kind of love years ago. But that's silly. I had that kind of love but didn't know how to show it or return it and neither could the person I loved. So an impasse came and went. And we are now stronger for it as we learned how to break free from the constraints of miscommunication and are able to show others who communicate the way we do just what love means to us.

And I cried after the following video. I'll share with you why first. Because I want you to listen to this woman's every.single.word. Absorb them, hear them, understand them. Regardless of who is saying them to whomever.

Because these words ring true for every human being on earth, those who love and love deeply, no matter the skin color, gender or creed. There are those who would say the love of one person to another is unnatural, just because those two people have the same parts. But take away the sexual organs and you're still left with beating hearts that speed up with fear and love, slow down with comfort and rest. Souls that are still shiny under the smudge of years. Human thoughts that were innocent as children, jaded as teens, growing still as adults. We are all left with the same things in death. The pharmaceutical world would have us use our parts into old age but really, these vaginas, breasts, penises, parts are not our entirety.

And our entirety deserves love.

Thank you immalittlestrange and B for bringing this artist to my attention.

For 50 years, you were my favorite poem 

And I’d read you every night, knowing I might never understand every word 

But that was okay because the lines of you were the closest thing to holy I’d ever heard. 

You’d say, “This kind of love HAS to be a verb.”

I can only pray we live for another 50 years to enjoy each other like this. 

Silent All These Years No Longer

Amazing high praise for my blog today. I'm truly humbled that so many are reading it and giving me positive feedback. Sure, when I first started it, there were several who felt I revealed too much, criticized me for moving too fast with the Major, or just didn't understand why in the hell I would want to write about something so personal on the Internet.

Because it helps ME feel better about who I am, where I'm going in life as I accept challenges and changes and I hope someday my kids look back on it and know me for who I really am. For 37 years, I tried hiding behind what everyone else wanted me to be, this facade of happy-go-lucky goody two shoes. Sorry, but the human in me wanted out, wanted to be cherished, wanted MORE than I was given in life. I'm not handed what I want by any means now. I work just as hard for things, people and ideas, but I'm not afraid of voicing my opinion when warranted.

This is who I am and the Major loves me because of it. So do my friends and family. I'm liable to embarrass them at some point in time, but never out of meanness. Every single person in my life is or was there for a reason and I respect and love that. Believe it or not, I thank God for those who were even awful to me. Because it makes me appreciate my loved ones all the more.

So today's and tomorrow's blog will be about some of these wonders. Starting with the good stuff, of course!

From my FB:
Heather, 
As I was trying to avoid work I played catch up on the wonderful world of Facebook and then stopped by your blog to catch up! I want to thank you for your lovely use of words to describe life in a way that others can relate to and in a way that can allow me to get lost for 30 minutes, when I should be busy typing away at my computer & reading Deeds that bore me to death! I am glad that you are happy & I appreciate that you are able to turn blunders into reading enjoyment for others. Thank you for an escape. 
Misty 
P. S. You look MARVELOUS! (Girl, Did you know I was scared to death of you in junior high because you were so mean to me on the bus? Then I figured out you were just a big softie who needed understanding. ;))

From Bexi bunneh over at thepersistenceofthepen: I've recently just caught up as well...you give me a feeling of normalcy in a world that is far from normal...thoughts turn into things and whether positive or negative we both seem to find the positive in all things regardless of our first reaction to them. I too love that you give me an escape and the ability to relate to even the most ridiculous yet somehow relevant things :) love you bunneh xo (Love you too, sweet girl. See you soon!!)

My friend Char, who knows my situation EXACTLY and gives me sage advice with a keen sense of humor. We WILL be going back to Vegas some day!

Megs, Anne and Betty Red, my three favoritest redheads in the universe. Thank you for not stealing my soul and instead giving me reasons to laugh, cry and live.

To A: We don't really know each other but thank you for everything you did to bring the Major out of his shell and to be the man he is today. I'm eternally grateful you two are friends and hope you can ever remain so. I'm glad you have his back. You deserve much happiness.

Ye Best Laid Plans

But Mousie, thou art no thy lane,
In proving foresight may be vain:
The best-laid schemes o' mice an' men
Gang aft agley... 

To a Mouse by Robert Burns, 1785

True to my word, I've begun the task of keeping busy. Too busy to fret, to bemoan the early stages of loneliness. My kidlets came home Saturday afternoon and we filled it with a wondrous trip to the zoo then making our version of flatbread pizza with a movie. The next was filled with church, taking the oldest to Frontier City while I took his brother to a round robin of flag football, where he promptly kicked tail, scoring the first TD of the season. 

I'm jealous of the Major as he landed in Hawaii for a few days for maintenance on the plane. His crew finally left this morning (midnight Waikiki time) for Guam. As of this writing, I just got word that he made it safe. THAT part of the waiting drives me crazy, the not knowing of whether the plane landed and he stepped off. Though he was essentially working during his time in paradise, he managed to send me a few pics. One was a sunset he wished he could have shared as we had talked of seeing Hawaii together for the first time. He just happened to beat me to it. Some day.

And as per the last post, I've almost completed one of my projects. I found a bolt of incredible fabric that has a pattern on one side that matches the upstairs bedroom and then reverses to match the office! I couldn't be happier with the result. As soon as they're done, I'll post pics. I have some throw pillows that go incredibly well with them too. I caught the youngest laying on the unfinished piece upstairs in the window so they're already a hit!

I think I'll tackle making Chicken Cordon Bleu tomorrow. Mmmmm prosciutto and gruyère... My Nanny (grandmother) made the yummiest. 

For now, I'm staving off the weepies. I CAN be strong. It's just really, really nice when he's home. 

Petulant Petunia

I've done some childish things as an adult. I've been mean and petty, one of those Mean Girls. Today, I just feel petulant. A little girl who has stifled the tears all day long though my inner Lindsey has been pouting for several days. (For those of you in military families use to this, stop reading now if you're going to tell me to grow up. YOU had to go thru this the first time too. So nyah nyah nyah!)

On Monday, the Major and I had decided we would be going to the Air Force Ball after all. I was so excited and had rushed to find the perfect dress! It fit me beautifully and I would feel like his princess in it. That dress is now hanging forlornly in the wardrobe, hoping for another chance to make a good impression. You see, a big ol' stinky AF bomb was dropped in his lap the next day, right after he bought the ball tickets. Tomorrow morning, he leaves for an island in the Pacific, close to the Philippines, for two weeks. AFTER the ball.

Sure, I'm disappointed about missing the ball but I'm hoping there'll be others. What I'm having trouble with now is the separation anxiety. The longest we've been apart is 10 days when he left for Vegas and I got to fly out at the end of the TDY to meet him there and have a little vacation. But he leaves tomorrow at last notice because someone did something a little stupid and hurt themselves so he's going in their stead. There's still a possibility he could be sent overseas to the Middle East for six months come November too, which we knew about in advance. This trip was just unlucky circumstance.

And speaking of luck, we had dinner tonight at a favorite sushi place and I nearly came unglued after seeing our fortunes. Those damn flour paste cookies had it in for us, I'm sure of it! He opened his to reveal, "Hope for the best but prepare for the worst."

Whaaaa the fuuuuu??

Seriously, like I need to add to my anxiety that something atrocious will happen to the man I love, the one I've been waking up with every morning after snuggling all night, who I finally found after what seems a lifetime of looking!!

The kicker was when I opened up mine. Guess what it said? Yeah, my mouth dropped open too.

EFF YOU UNIVERSE and your cruelty! Hoping for the best and preparing for the worst could be ANYTHING. If you're a bit facetious like I am, you added "...in bed" at the end of the fortune. So am I supposed to expect to wet the bed? Have painful sex? Stub my toe on the frame? Sheesh. Gimme a clue here, Mr. Universal Fate, who gave us both the worst possible fortune!

Life has been amazingly wonderful at the moment. (So sue me. It HAS.) We've now been living together for two months and it's been so easy, it's scary. Sure, we have disagreements but they barely pass with the blink of an eye. I keep expecting the other shoe to drop. Maybe this is the stiletto to fall on my instep, heel down. I know I'm supposed to be one of those strong women, stoically keeping the home lights burning while her man is off doing his military duty. It's only two weeks.

But right now, I want to wrap around his leg and cry, "Please don't go!"

Surreality is...

This is interesting. Weird. Lovely. Scary. Exactly what I've craved.

This living together, with my kids, in this house. Waking up every day next to each other. We hadn't done that except on trips. Now knowing that we will be seeing each other in all our glory and gory for as long as we can stand it. Excuse me while I clean out my eye-boogers before he wakes up.

I still have so much doubt that I'll live up to certain expectations, my own mainly. That, though I've managed to portray myself exactly as I am, I still won't be good enough. Because I really wasn't good enough before. Not according to some others' standards. Some insecurities are best left to children. But aren't we all just a bit child-like? No matter what anyone says, if you don't have SOME kind of doubts about yourself, or question your own motives and worry about what others think, then you're an egotistical douchebag. 


During my move into his house this weekend, I was overwhelmed. And more than a bit grumpy on a number of occasions from the sheer stress of it all. I tend to be shorter tempered than most when tired but kept myself under control. Then he'd crack a joke, I'd laugh or merely smirk at the absurdity and keep going. My mom was stunned at how neither of us snapped at each other and we just seemed happy instead of strained. Our house is a mess, boxes everywhere; I have no idea where anything is. Each box seems to have a surprise in it. And that bothers me. The clutter is causing me to have OCD and I may become a crack fiend to calm my nerves. I still have work to accomplish for clients and way too much to pack before we go on vacation tomorrow. IF I can find where I put our clothes and camping gear. 


It's a lot to absorb for all of us. So much change. So little time to adjust.

He'll have to get use to me laughing a bit too loud and finding my hairballs laying around, to being a stickler for manners and having a clutter free house. And to get use to having children in his house again.

I'll have to get use to him being a procrastinator and paper hoarder, to having a penchant for riling my kids up before bedtime, and the weird sleeping positions he has that look entirely too uncomfortable.

We'll both adjust to the eccentricities of our mothers, bless them both. To our siblings and their opinionated thoughts on our living situation and the ways of our relationship.

A family isn't perfect. We will never profess to be so. That frailty and fallibility is the most beautiful part of being human. Neither of us is perfect and I wouldn't have it any other way.