Letter to a Bully's Parent

After yet another child died from bullying, I'm inclined to have certain thoughts, God forgive me, about the parents of these bullies. Please allow me this rant for a few minutes because I'm heartbroken.

Undear Parent of a Bully,




















You may just be the reason your poor child has taken it on him/herself to pick on someone else for their appearance/race/gender/sexual preference/beliefs. Were YOU possibly the victim of such a vicious circle of hate as a child that you've passed it down to your own offspring? Because surely you would have seen the signs. Some kids are confident but some are just arrogant. Do you mess with the head of your own kid at home, thinking it'll make them tougher in life, or tell them they don't amount to anything, etc? This is wrong. On so many levels. You were given a child to love, protect, teach and be proud of, NOT belittle, taunt, disrespect and hurt. I've told my own boys that your kids may need some understanding. That your kids' life needs improvement because home sucks for them, for whatever reason. Your kids feel powerless against the misfortunes of life. Unfortunately, your kids don't really know the meaning of love and can't absorb compassion. So they strike back at mine when my boys offer friendship.

I've seen and heard grown women with the mentality of a classic Mean Girl continue a tirade against another woman and her son simply because the other woman's child was a bit younger and not quite to the level in sports that their sons were. And these same women professed to be Christian every Sunday churchgoers. It's no wonder other cultures/religions/atheists look down on Christians when YOU are the example they see. I've also seen grown men manipulate others thru guilt and intimidation to do their bidding. Your kids are sponges and WILL pick up on the subtleties, whether you think they will or not. They take those controlling influences to the playground.

You should be ashamed of yourself and held JUST as responsible for the death of a bullied kid as your children who beat/teased to death that precious child. I'm sick and tired of hearing another sad story in the news because you can't seem to be a grown up and teach your child the meanings of right and wrong. Parent of a bully, you SUCK. But I still love you and hope you can change.

Sincerely, 
Fed up Featherann

Sometimes, you just need a musical interlude in your life. And sometimes, that includes mashing some bubblegum pop with some metal. Oh, say like NIN's 'Head Like a Hole' mashed with 'Call Me Maybe'. Admit it. You danced in your seat a little. ;)

Welcome to new readers in New Zealand and Australia (I'm going to visit there soon after we move to Okinawa!), India and the Netherlands! 

Wedding of the century (Part deux)

I promised an extension of Wedding of the century (Part 1) so read it first before reading more!

Still getting over the shock of being married again and having been part of the fantastic flashmob! It's all happened so fast and now I officially belong to the military after getting my ID card and signed away my life for insurance and other things. The following are the vows the Major and I wrote together. Feel free to laugh, cry, whatever. We sure did!

The Major directing festivities as always.

The party dancing on my arrival!

SARA:  Mawwage... Mawwage is wot bwings us toogevver tooday. [This got a big laugh from the audience.]

I apologize.  J and H have clearly seen the Princess Bride one too many times, and they insisted we had to start that way.  But, if you know these two well, then that sort of thing should come as no surprise, for J and H are a couple who clearly always find ways to have fun with everything that they do.  It was this common spirit of playfulness and fun that first attracted them to one another, finally leading up to this blessed day, a day on which we are all now privileged to witness and participate in a ceremony celebrating the public acknowledgment of the love that J and H have for each other.  And, by our presence here with them, we confirm that they, together, are loved by many others.  We have come to surround them as they stand before us, where J and H in essence now say, “Welcome to our marriage!  Welcome to the celebration!”

To demonstrate the depth of their feelings for one another, J and H have each chosen a poem that, for them, captures their feelings on this day.

(The Major quoted this to me.)

She Walks In Beauty

By:  Lord Byron

She walks in beauty, like the night
Of cloudless climes and starry skies;
And all that's best of dark and bright
Meet in her aspect and her eyes:
Thus mellowed to that tender light
Which heaven to gaudy day denies.

One shade the more, one ray the less,
Had half impaired the nameless grace
Which waves in every raven tress,
Or softly lightens o'er her face;
Where thoughts serenely sweet express,
How pure, how dear their dwelling-place.

And on that cheek, and o'er that brow,
So soft, so calm, yet eloquent,
The smiles that win, the tints that glow,
But tell of days in goodness spent,
A mind at peace with all below,
A heart whose love is innocent!

(I read this to him)
Sonnet 12 - Indeed this very love which is my boast
By:  Elizabeth Barrett Browning

Indeed this very love which is my boast,
And which, when rising up from breast to brow,
Doth crown me with a ruby large enow
To draw men's eyes and prove the inner cost,—
This love even, all my worth, to the uttermost,
I should not love withal, unless that thou
Hadst set me an example, shown me how,
When first thine earnest eyes with mine were crossed,
And love called love. And thus, I cannot speak
Of love even, as a good thing of my own:
Thy soul hath snatched up mine all faint and weak,
And placed it by thee on a golden throne,—
And that I love (O soul, we must be meek!)
Is by thee only, whom I love alone.

SARA:  And now, having poetically expressed the depths of their affection for one another, J and H will share the wedding vows that they have written together.
J: I promise to always clearly explain my expectations rather than forcing you to guess at them and then getting angry when you’ve guessed wrong.  Do you promise the same? 
H: I do.  I promise to be a dreamer who ACTS on those dreams and includes you in them.  Do you promise the same? 
J: I do.  I promise not to play the blame game or to keep score, even if I am totally winning.  Do you promise the same?
H: I do.  I promise to keep the peace in our home with honest and open communication, even when my claws want to come out.  Do you promise the same?
J:  I do.  I promise to defend you against the slings and arrows of others, even when you’re wrong.  Do you promise the same?
H: I do.  I promise to always be myself, even if that means growing and changing with you.  Do you promise the same? 
J:  I do.  I promise to give you the benefit of the doubt and always listen to your side of the story before I yell at you.  Do you promise the same?
H:  I do.  I promise not to let my butt get bigger than it is right now, because staying healthy and fit means living a longer lifetime with you.  Do you promise the same? 
J:  I do.  I promise to make you laugh every single day, whether intentionally or not.  Do you promise the same?
H:  I do.  I promise that when I’m really angry with you I will shut my mouth, count to as high a number as necessary until I’m calm, and then come back to talk things over with you when we’re both rational.  Do you promise the same? 
J:  I do.  I promise to do the things that neither of us wants to do, if you really don’t want to do it more than I don’t want to do it.  Do you promise the same? 
H:  I do.  I promise not to promise something and then do something completely different.  Do you promise the same?
J:  I do.  I promise to show you every single day that you are loved and appreciated.  Do you promise the same?
H:  I do.  I promise to always keep you pleasantly surprised, even when you outdo me!  Do you promise the same?
J:  I do.  I promise to resolve our differences in private and never in public or in front of the children.  Do you promise the same?
H:  I do.  I promise never to take you for granted.  Do you promise the same? 
J:  I do.  I promise never to make you read any of the Twilight novels or to see any of those awful movies, or any movies featuring emo vampires that sparkle like a My Little Pony.  Do you promise the same?
H: I definitely do!

SARA:  The rings please.  [Best Man / MoH produce the rings.]  

You have for each other these special rings – symbols that love is the most precious element in your life together. A ring has no beginning and no ending, symbolizing that the love between you will never cease. You place these rings upon each others fingers as a visible sign of your vows this day, making you husband and wife.  

J:  With this ring, I thee wed.

H:  With this ring, I thee wed.

SARA:  In the honesty and sincerity of what you have said and done here today, and in accordance with the laws of the state of Oklahoma, it is my honor and delight to declare you husband and wife.  You may now kiss the bride, and never ever stop.

Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. & Mrs.!

Thank you everyone for joining us here today.  As everyone but Heather already knows, there will be a picnic reception immediately following the ceremony. So, let the wild rumpus start!

(Thanks to Brandi for these awesome shots!)

Konnichiwaaaaa??

After the initial shock has been faced, and all our friends and family told the news of our impending move across the world, the stress has set in, but to a lesser degree. Granted, I've never lived anywhere but here in Oklahoma. Except that fun summer in the Allegheny Mountains at camp. But still. And the closest to being out of the country I've gone is  a week in Montreal for a conference and a few days in Barbados. Bless him, my husband at the time had the flu and that was supposed to be our honeymoon. I saw the ocean for the first time by myself while he languished in the humid hotel room with earaches and stuffy head.

This Italian/French honeymoon with the Major would have been the trip of a lifetime for me. Getting to finally seeing parts of the world I could usually only access thru the internet or by going thru his pictures. Now, I'm facing MOVING across the world. About 10,092 miles away, in fact. Away from my own family and friends. Of course, my boys have a bit of trepidation about it. They're gaining a stepdad plus face being in a new school again and trying to make new friends in a country where even the letters don't look familiar. I can understand that completely.

Not my kids but this reminds me of them.

I love my boys to pieces and would do anything for them. We had to think long and hard about getting married in the first place as this possibility of moving was there. Could I handle moving them? Could *they* handle it? New school, friends and way of life. And yet, they are strong little boys. Resilient and a bit willful, but absolute joys to be around. That's what makes it so hard for some people to let them go, to let them experience the wonders of the world, even at a tender age. I understand it. I really do. Only I'm lucky in that I get to experience it with them. I'm not a homebody. Never have been. I love having my roots somewhere and a place to go back to but I need to roam. The next few months will consist of lots of questions of and by my darling little ones, with some hard truths coming out on both sides. And I ache for them.

All I can do is pray to God for peace and understanding on either side of the coin and hope we all see what is truly good for them and not just for ourselves.

Giggly Snort

So I live with my fiance now and very very soon we'll be marrying. It's so awesome how well we get along. So much so, that I've been giggling in my sleep. I didn't believe him until he posted this:

He is in so.much.trouble. My public shame= snorting when laughing too much.

What's love got to do with it?

*Warning: you may be offended

I cried today. A happy cry because of all the love in my life and a bittersweet cry bemoaning that I couldn't share that kind of love years ago. But that's silly. I had that kind of love but didn't know how to show it or return it and neither could the person I loved. So an impasse came and went. And we are now stronger for it as we learned how to break free from the constraints of miscommunication and are able to show others who communicate the way we do just what love means to us.

And I cried after the following video. I'll share with you why first. Because I want you to listen to this woman's every.single.word. Absorb them, hear them, understand them. Regardless of who is saying them to whomever.

Because these words ring true for every human being on earth, those who love and love deeply, no matter the skin color, gender or creed. There are those who would say the love of one person to another is unnatural, just because those two people have the same parts. But take away the sexual organs and you're still left with beating hearts that speed up with fear and love, slow down with comfort and rest. Souls that are still shiny under the smudge of years. Human thoughts that were innocent as children, jaded as teens, growing still as adults. We are all left with the same things in death. The pharmaceutical world would have us use our parts into old age but really, these vaginas, breasts, penises, parts are not our entirety.

And our entirety deserves love.

Thank you immalittlestrange and B for bringing this artist to my attention.

For 50 years, you were my favorite poem 

And I’d read you every night, knowing I might never understand every word 

But that was okay because the lines of you were the closest thing to holy I’d ever heard. 

You’d say, “This kind of love HAS to be a verb.”

I can only pray we live for another 50 years to enjoy each other like this. 

Giddiness becomes her...As does breathing.

I'm known for being a rather vibrant person. I laugh loudly and often and cry without fear. Sometimes a snap in anger though I'm much better at controlling it than I use to be. My music is a constant, either playing in the background or with me singing along, hopefully not off-key. I love color, even splashes or sparkles of it when wearing all black. Throwing open the curtains and shades first thing in the morning because of the sunlight. I use LOL and :) quite a bit in texts. Because I probably AM smiling and laughing out loud.

Lots of different textures now abound in our home, as visitors will attest, from velvets and satin to brushed cotton and rich, dark wood. They reflect the life and vitality seeping from our pores. Ruby reds, grassy greens, sapphire blues, pumpkin-y rusts. It's great when a home smells and looks good but much like people, it needs to be touched and FEEL good, to be LIVED in.

Can you tell I'm in a thoughtful and great mood? Maybe it's the excessive amounts of coffee I've poured down my gullet today. Most likely it's because I got word today that as of this writing, within 5 hours, the Major will be on his way home to me! YAAAAAAAYYYY!!!! Too much? Too bad. Communication has been minimum, at best, because of so many things and it was wonderful being able to see his face for 5 minutes finally on Skype the other day. As I told quebecokie, it felt like I could finally breathe, even for a few minutes, knowing for sure he was doing well.

So my music is turned up even more today. I'm dancing around in my office chair. I'm smiling a bit more, sighing less. It'll be a long while before he's home as he crosses an ocean and half a continent but it'll be sooner than I imagined.

Oh, crap. I was too busy to get the To-Do List finished!

(PS, *waves hi to new readers in Finland, Germany, Mexico, UK and Russia!)

Silence, Part Deux

I'd wanted to post on Friday but I was too busy living real life to worry about the online. Isn't that the way it SHOULD be? What would we do if you got off the computer, the cell phone, the iPad and just lived? I, for one, worked more, played more, exercised more and ate better. I went out with real friends who made me laugh, who I curled up with on the couch and just told stories about life and love. I took a run with our dog, the kids riding their bikes ahead of me, and taught to oldest to make three different stir fry dishes. Life, my friends, is beautiful. Four more days until it achieves even more greatness.

To continue what I started last Thursday, I'm truly thankful for certain people in my life, good or bad.

My mom is a wonderful, beautiful and caring person who had a rough go of life at the beginning and who I cherish. She's one of those people who you'd say upon meeting her, "She has a heart as big as Texas!" I learn every day from her and watching her care for my dad as his last days slipped away, I understand how incredible it is to be a strong, independent woman in love with a man truly worth his weight in gold.

To R, S and T: I'm thankful I learned the lesson of letting go: letting go of the friendships/good feelings I thought we had and seeing you for who you really were. Letting go of the bad feelings I had for you after and growing from the unintended lessons. My brain hurts thinking of the wrong you caused others and yet, I'm glad to be free of that personal responsibility.

Thankful to other detractors who said I wasn't athletic enough, smart enough or just enough. I've now run two Warrior Dashes, am seriously looking into going back to school for two more degrees and someone I know thinks I'm more than enough and tells me so every day.

My sisters: What can I say about these other two parts of our Oreo? Though we're so far apart in age, I'm so lucky to now know you as friends and fellow moms and incredible women. Your kids are the stuff of dreams and I love seeing the two of you so happy. xox

My son was recently told he should probably not be so opinionated or speak his mind around certain people. I think this is a crock of bull malarky!!! He has every right to speak his mind when he sees a wrong doing and he is allowed to tell others how much he loves me as his mother and my cooking or whatever!
SO J, you SPEAK your mind, little man. Within reason and always with kindness, but don't let ANYONE ever try to push you back or keep you from being the awesome kid you are!! 

This blog got sappy and a bit snappy, but that's life. And I'm no longer silent.

Silent All These Years No Longer

Amazing high praise for my blog today. I'm truly humbled that so many are reading it and giving me positive feedback. Sure, when I first started it, there were several who felt I revealed too much, criticized me for moving too fast with the Major, or just didn't understand why in the hell I would want to write about something so personal on the Internet.

Because it helps ME feel better about who I am, where I'm going in life as I accept challenges and changes and I hope someday my kids look back on it and know me for who I really am. For 37 years, I tried hiding behind what everyone else wanted me to be, this facade of happy-go-lucky goody two shoes. Sorry, but the human in me wanted out, wanted to be cherished, wanted MORE than I was given in life. I'm not handed what I want by any means now. I work just as hard for things, people and ideas, but I'm not afraid of voicing my opinion when warranted.

This is who I am and the Major loves me because of it. So do my friends and family. I'm liable to embarrass them at some point in time, but never out of meanness. Every single person in my life is or was there for a reason and I respect and love that. Believe it or not, I thank God for those who were even awful to me. Because it makes me appreciate my loved ones all the more.

So today's and tomorrow's blog will be about some of these wonders. Starting with the good stuff, of course!

From my FB:
Heather, 
As I was trying to avoid work I played catch up on the wonderful world of Facebook and then stopped by your blog to catch up! I want to thank you for your lovely use of words to describe life in a way that others can relate to and in a way that can allow me to get lost for 30 minutes, when I should be busy typing away at my computer & reading Deeds that bore me to death! I am glad that you are happy & I appreciate that you are able to turn blunders into reading enjoyment for others. Thank you for an escape. 
Misty 
P. S. You look MARVELOUS! (Girl, Did you know I was scared to death of you in junior high because you were so mean to me on the bus? Then I figured out you were just a big softie who needed understanding. ;))

From Bexi bunneh over at thepersistenceofthepen: I've recently just caught up as well...you give me a feeling of normalcy in a world that is far from normal...thoughts turn into things and whether positive or negative we both seem to find the positive in all things regardless of our first reaction to them. I too love that you give me an escape and the ability to relate to even the most ridiculous yet somehow relevant things :) love you bunneh xo (Love you too, sweet girl. See you soon!!)

My friend Char, who knows my situation EXACTLY and gives me sage advice with a keen sense of humor. We WILL be going back to Vegas some day!

Megs, Anne and Betty Red, my three favoritest redheads in the universe. Thank you for not stealing my soul and instead giving me reasons to laugh, cry and live.

To A: We don't really know each other but thank you for everything you did to bring the Major out of his shell and to be the man he is today. I'm eternally grateful you two are friends and hope you can ever remain so. I'm glad you have his back. You deserve much happiness.

Kenny Rogers sang about me.

Sometimes, technology is the only thing that can connect you with others. International cell and text rates are out of this world and so communication will be at a minimum with the Major. But it reminds me of simpler times, when lovers wrote letters by hand or sent post cards when they were too far apart to talk.

In the meantime, my work load has doubled, luckily, and I'm staying busy, drinking way too much coffee for my own good and learning new things. Such as: I have a hard time saying no to friends and clients. I want to help out and my time is becoming precious. The majority of it I want to spend with my kids and when they aren't there, I focus on other things. My business is really taking off and I'm finally paying off bills that piled up over the last year of being off work. I've found a good niche but there might be something else out there.

A recent conversation:
"You've helped a bunch of our friends with these issues, why don't you think about going back to school? Even think about getting a PhD?"
"You're kidding, right? A DOCTORATE? I couldn't even get back to school before because I couldn't possibly work while going thru such a tough schedule for a Master's! We lived paycheck to paycheck as it was. I like my independence and won't live off you." (cue tears of mortification. Ask my mom. I couldn't even ask my parents for college money when I lived in a shitty apartment and didn't have heat or electricity mid-winter.)
"You're selling yourself short. I've heard your conversations and think you'd be amazing at this. Besides, you have me and I fully support you. You can do the same client work you do now on the side. Do your homework with the kids. They'd really see how important schooling is if you are in it."

WHOA is that a lot to think about...

I think I would just need to get my confidence back up to decent levels before seeking this prospect. Granted, the impetus was one of my clients for whom I've been doing great work but this would take SO much chutzpah. ME, with a PhD?? Holy hell. And I could do a lot of the job thru various media and online, researching and communicating with others, though I love the one-on-one approach. Having worked in radio, I could take it to another level entirely. Until I make a decision, I'm keeping the rest of it close to the vest.

I take risks but I won't make a poor gamble. It's gotta be a sure thing.