Letter to a Bully's Parent

After yet another child died from bullying, I'm inclined to have certain thoughts, God forgive me, about the parents of these bullies. Please allow me this rant for a few minutes because I'm heartbroken.

Undear Parent of a Bully,




















You may just be the reason your poor child has taken it on him/herself to pick on someone else for their appearance/race/gender/sexual preference/beliefs. Were YOU possibly the victim of such a vicious circle of hate as a child that you've passed it down to your own offspring? Because surely you would have seen the signs. Some kids are confident but some are just arrogant. Do you mess with the head of your own kid at home, thinking it'll make them tougher in life, or tell them they don't amount to anything, etc? This is wrong. On so many levels. You were given a child to love, protect, teach and be proud of, NOT belittle, taunt, disrespect and hurt. I've told my own boys that your kids may need some understanding. That your kids' life needs improvement because home sucks for them, for whatever reason. Your kids feel powerless against the misfortunes of life. Unfortunately, your kids don't really know the meaning of love and can't absorb compassion. So they strike back at mine when my boys offer friendship.

I've seen and heard grown women with the mentality of a classic Mean Girl continue a tirade against another woman and her son simply because the other woman's child was a bit younger and not quite to the level in sports that their sons were. And these same women professed to be Christian every Sunday churchgoers. It's no wonder other cultures/religions/atheists look down on Christians when YOU are the example they see. I've also seen grown men manipulate others thru guilt and intimidation to do their bidding. Your kids are sponges and WILL pick up on the subtleties, whether you think they will or not. They take those controlling influences to the playground.

You should be ashamed of yourself and held JUST as responsible for the death of a bullied kid as your children who beat/teased to death that precious child. I'm sick and tired of hearing another sad story in the news because you can't seem to be a grown up and teach your child the meanings of right and wrong. Parent of a bully, you SUCK. But I still love you and hope you can change.

Sincerely, 
Fed up Featherann

Sometimes, you just need a musical interlude in your life. And sometimes, that includes mashing some bubblegum pop with some metal. Oh, say like NIN's 'Head Like a Hole' mashed with 'Call Me Maybe'. Admit it. You danced in your seat a little. ;)

Welcome to new readers in New Zealand and Australia (I'm going to visit there soon after we move to Okinawa!), India and the Netherlands! 

Shhhh, be vewy, vewy quiet

It's been one of those weeks. Thus, the radio silence. I posted a bunch of pics of our camping trip from last weekend but thought better of it after since there were faces of friends in them. Best to keep this blog more centered and sort of anonymous. Though many of my fans come from Facebook and know who I speak of in this blog, it's better not to reveal much as I get pretty damn personal here. Here's a repost some of the pics: (It rained most of the weekend but we had a blast nonetheless!)

 

 
 


Tuesday would have been my 13th anniversary, had I remained married. I spent most of the day in a dark funk, letting all the demons and Lindsey run rampant on me. My insecurities about my abilities, my body and my worth as the half in a relationship really ate at me, leaving big holes in my heart. The only thing I regret about leaving is that I caused "A" a great deal of unintentional hurt. (Told ya it was personal.) Luckily, we've been talking more and trying to stay on an even keel as co-parents. I still love him in a lot of ways as he's a good man and deserves much happiness. There. How's that for getting the sappy out of the way?

Topping that off with the Major having an insane schedule this week with training missions and barely seeing him unless he's asleep. He left again at 0200. It'll be nice for us to go on vacay soon to see some dear friends up north. We finally had a date night yesterday and I HIGHLY recommend you see Looper with Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Bruce Willis. Blew my mind to pieces!

Sorry for the pity party and the bare bones post. It'll have to do, lovely readers. Thanks to new follows in the Netherlands and Taiwan. :)

The dog says "Meh."

 For anyone who knows the Major, you've probably seen his Facebook and the jokes he made over two weeks of being TDY in Guam about being made the king there. And his demand for minions. Lots of them.

Did you know The Minions from Despicable Me are getting their own movie??

I've made it a habit, whenever he comes in by commercial jet (since I can't get on base yet) or when he walks in the door to greet him with a funny sign. Sure, it's cheesy but everyone should feel welcomed. As some of his crew walked passed me, they got a good chuckle as well.

Once kicked off the island, the other minions ran for it. Cowards!

It's not royal fanfare, but it did the job.

I snickered as I posted the next picture, slightly modified:

All Hail the Conquering Hero!  

After unpacking some things, showing me gifts he acquired from adoring islanders (gift shops are classic for this), jet lag began to set in. All was quiet during naptime when I hear the sound of a plastic bag being dragged around the living room. Our 60 lb Rhodesian Ridgeback "puppy"decided to have a snack of the Major's things left on the coffee table! It was a trail of destruction from the front room to the back yard. Money scattered on the back porch, completely demolished credit cards, military ID and driver's license and a gnawed strip of leather which use to be his wallet. The watch was farther back in the yard, and luckily only needs a new strap. Sparky ran for the hills when I started hollering at him, my flipflop wielded above my head as I chased him. 

He's still contrite this morning.

Photo stolen. I think I'll be forgiven.

So welcome home! Everyone loves you... except the dog, it seems.

Silence, Part Deux

I'd wanted to post on Friday but I was too busy living real life to worry about the online. Isn't that the way it SHOULD be? What would we do if you got off the computer, the cell phone, the iPad and just lived? I, for one, worked more, played more, exercised more and ate better. I went out with real friends who made me laugh, who I curled up with on the couch and just told stories about life and love. I took a run with our dog, the kids riding their bikes ahead of me, and taught to oldest to make three different stir fry dishes. Life, my friends, is beautiful. Four more days until it achieves even more greatness.

To continue what I started last Thursday, I'm truly thankful for certain people in my life, good or bad.

My mom is a wonderful, beautiful and caring person who had a rough go of life at the beginning and who I cherish. She's one of those people who you'd say upon meeting her, "She has a heart as big as Texas!" I learn every day from her and watching her care for my dad as his last days slipped away, I understand how incredible it is to be a strong, independent woman in love with a man truly worth his weight in gold.

To R, S and T: I'm thankful I learned the lesson of letting go: letting go of the friendships/good feelings I thought we had and seeing you for who you really were. Letting go of the bad feelings I had for you after and growing from the unintended lessons. My brain hurts thinking of the wrong you caused others and yet, I'm glad to be free of that personal responsibility.

Thankful to other detractors who said I wasn't athletic enough, smart enough or just enough. I've now run two Warrior Dashes, am seriously looking into going back to school for two more degrees and someone I know thinks I'm more than enough and tells me so every day.

My sisters: What can I say about these other two parts of our Oreo? Though we're so far apart in age, I'm so lucky to now know you as friends and fellow moms and incredible women. Your kids are the stuff of dreams and I love seeing the two of you so happy. xox

My son was recently told he should probably not be so opinionated or speak his mind around certain people. I think this is a crock of bull malarky!!! He has every right to speak his mind when he sees a wrong doing and he is allowed to tell others how much he loves me as his mother and my cooking or whatever!
SO J, you SPEAK your mind, little man. Within reason and always with kindness, but don't let ANYONE ever try to push you back or keep you from being the awesome kid you are!! 

This blog got sappy and a bit snappy, but that's life. And I'm no longer silent.

What, what, chicken butt?

THIS. So much THIS. The whole Chick-Fil-A thing isn't just about chicken. It's about people. Flesh and blood men, women and children who could be physically and emotionally killed by a hate mongering group or those who support it.

http://www.owldolatrous.com/?p=288

Heave, HO!

My life has been in upheaval over the last two years. Too much has gone on and more on the way soon and I'm finding myself reflecting, making amends for hurts I've caused, wondering on the good I hope I've done, emotions swirling.

Apologizing for killing a relationship that probably shouldn't have started but for which I'm so richly blessed thru the creation of my boys because of it. I'm extremely thankful to the man who loved me and wanted it to work, despite our differences. We're finding I don't have to be so involved in his life, being his mother and not letting him make his own decisions, to make him happy. Together, we were good: good friends and good parents. Apart, we're even better, happier even, and we strive to make the new changes work, not only for ourselves but our boys. He's found someone with whom he's completely compatible and I've found the person who's perfect for me.

Learning I can stand strongly on my own: physically during extreme sports; mentally during the divorce and loss of three jobs in a year; monetarily (for the most part) by starting my own business. Finding that setting up payment options for bills I owe doesn't make me a bad person. It just makes me human because at least I'm trying to pay them back and not being lazy. Feeling a sense of accomplishment when a bill is paid off and I'll never see it again.

Amending wrongs caused either through actions and words or the lack thereof. I apologized yesterday to a lovely woman who didn't deserve to be bad-mouthed by a horrible person and yet, I didn't stand up for her at the time. I spilled my guts to her and said how sorry I was for being such a coward. And told her some of the awful things that were said, so she'd know. I can only hope some other friends of mine can be as kind.

Being even more grateful for the love of a man who completely understands me. With whom I'm about to start a new life. Feeling bad for some "friends" who've decided to listen to rumors and not confront me personally because of this new love. Who've judged our relationship without getting the full story and who now prefer the company of those who perpetuate the lies. I'm sad for the loss of these friendships but grateful I didn't get sucked in more to their juvenile antics.

Feeling scared for the journey I'm embarking on, mainly because it doesn't just involve me but also my kids, who are looking forward to the changes too. Feeling overwhelming joy at knowing what's ahead and knowing we can make it work because of all the trials we've experienced and the love we have for each other.

Just feeling and being blessed that I'm human, able to absorb it all and sort it out.

This will be one helluva journey. Take it with me?